the little horticulturalist….

Once upon a time, there was a girl who really liked plants. She also really liked helping other people… especially if that help involved playing with plants.

Unfortunately this little ‘Green Thumb’ was very rusty and had not tended a garden for many a years, instead opting to rely on her local "Jim’s Mowing" to tend it for her. In addition to this lack of gardening practice, our little horticulturalist was also exceedingly unfit. Running after her even smaller people was just about all the exercise she had time for.

One day, the sun was shining, the clouds were blue and The Little Horticulturalist (now dubbed "Tiny Green Thumb") started her day as normal. This involved chasing the smaller people around the house, searching for school uniforms, packing lunches and then trying to pursuade the smallest person to actually not sit on top of the TV, but rather, to get dressed. Tiny green thumb was getting stressed out… she had had a rather big week and was trying to keep her frazzled nerves less frazzled. The smallest member thought it really really funny to run around the house semi-naked chanting "Elmo’s ABC" and the ever-so-slightly bigger smaller member couldn’t understand how none of her white school socks got washed (despite her having NOT made a deposit into the laundry basket for over a week). As Tiny Green Thumb decided she could cope no more with ‘Smaller Member’s’ being asses, her friend "Ms.Energy Overload" called and invited her out for a coffee.

Tiny Green Thumb thought this invitation sounded rather lovely and accepted gratefully. She managed to complete her morning duties and dropped the Smaller Member’s off at their respective schools and began the drive to Ms. Energy Overload’s house.

As she drove, Tiny Green Thumb couldn’t help but marvel at what a wonderful day it was. Plenty of Vitamin D, not a solitary cloud in the sky, a lovely breeze blowing… Perfect. Her temporary reverie was momentarily shattered by Ms. Energy Overload calling on her phone:

"Hello.. This is Tiny Green Thumb?"

"Hi Tiny Green Thumb, this is Ms Energy Overload. I was wondering. Do you own a whipper snipper (line trimmer)?

"Why yes Ms Energy Overload, I do. It is in my garage! I do have one small problem though. It is run on petrol and I’m not sure how to mix the 2-stroke fuel!"

"Oh no! That’s not good at all Tiny Green Thumb! Nevermind, I will think of a solution."

And with that Ms Energy Overload was gone.

It wasn’t long before Tiny Green Thumb arrived at Ms. Energy Overload’s house and WHAT a sight it was. Tiny Green Thumb shook her head and tutted to herself. The weeds were choking all the pretty flowers! This is NOT a good thing, not a good thing at all she sighed. There was only one thing for it, Tiny Green Thumb would get in there (by golly) and help Ms Energy Overload out!

First thing was first though. A caffeine hit and a few essentials from the local hardware store! Boy oh boy, Ms Energy Overload sure did know how to spend money! $179 dollars later and they were on their way back to the house, armed to the eyeballs with gardening equipment.

Tiny Green Thumb began after she donned her hat, sunnies and smothered sunscreen. She assembled the line trimmer and then began on the most hideous section of the garden. The pretty flowers were all being choked by the evil weeds and the carpet of sticky grass! It truely was a sight to behold. As she tackled that area of the garden, Ms Energy Overload started up the line trimmer and weed wacked her way to gardening success on her patch. She then climbed the ladder onto the shed and hoisted the heavy duty tarpoulin with her. Once the shed roof was secure Ms Energy Overload continued wacking her way through the garden.

The sun beat down, and both Tiny Green Thumb and Ms. Energy Overload stopped for a break. They had, by this stage done 2 hours of straight weeding. A cool drink was in order.

No sooner had they rehydrated, the 2 started work again, toiling for hours more on the slowly emerging garden.

When the two stepped back to look at the final outcome, Tiny Green Thumb knew they had done a great job. Gone were the weeds as tall as a man, gone was the carpet grass with it’s sticky spurs, gone were the nettles and prickly bushes and tended was the soil that lay underneath (neatly covered with a layer of bark).

Both girls were sweating but very proud of their efforts, a garden once more was rescued.

But Tiny Green Thumbs’ job was not yet over! She then had to drive to pick up the ‘Smaller Members’ before rushing home to cook dinner. So Tiny Green Thumb dashed off; dirty, scratched and bruised (from slamming the shovel down on her foot) while Ms. Energy Overload waved from her front porch as far as the eye could see….

As soon as Tiny Green Thumb arrived home she knew that dinner was not on the cards. In fact it was all she could do to bath the smaller members, shower herself and collapse on the lounge until the Biggest Boy got home from a hard day at work.

Once the Biggest Boy arrived home, they decided that take-away was definately on the cards and that Tiny Green Thumb would have a very very early night after all her hard work!

A restful night ensued in Tiny Green Thumb’s house. *chirp chirp* *hoot hoot*  "Zzzzzzzzzzz"

That is…. until the next morning a sharp "EEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW" filled the air. The smallest members were scared. The Biggest Boy went to investigate and found Tiny Green Thumb yelping in the bedroom trying to clutch nearly every aching muscle in her body. As she whined a yelped and rubbed and hopped and jumped and skipped she also complained and squealed and whinnied and asked "why????"

The Biggest BOy had no time to nurse Tiny Green Thumb back to health. He simply told her to drink plenty of water and keep moving so her poor crampy muscles didn’t cramp up evern further… Tiny Green Thumb was very sad and upset. But she guessed that this was her reward for a tough day working the day before. That and the big stripe of sunburn on her lower back where her tee-shirt had climbed up!!!!

The End.

The moral of the story: Don’t be silly like Tiny Green Thumb or you’ll be shit out of luck!!!

Vee