its not over, until its over?

We left Mr14s surfboard at my lovers place and he rang to say he would drop it off…

I said ok, put it in the shed.

But he came while we were there with the removal truck.

He stayed for a while, standing too close…looking into my eyes…. with that dreamy look he gets…..

When he said, well I can see you are busy… (der… I had a removal truck!) I suppose I’d better go…. reluctant….

I explained that if he stood there too much longer, so close, I would just have to hug him….so he hugs ME!

Big comforting bearhug accompanied by frustated sounding groan…

THAT put a smile back on my face for a few days…. but still sad….

He rang a few days after that and wanted to see me ‘secretly’ at a certain time when he didn’t have his kids..and day off..

That was yesterday…. it was hard for me to get away… only managed a couple of hours… but it was a much needed conversation.

He does really like and want me…. that makes me feel good… but to spend time together, he wants secret and I don’t know that it will happen again as I explained… it is impossible to be secret…. and too late anyway…

….it was very sweet…. but very sad….

He rang today to tell me he is taking a old (female/once lover) friend to his daughter’s 18th tonight…

It is great that he is honest and kind to tell me, and I told him that it was probably a good thing considering the situation…

But, of course, I didn’t tell him, how that makes me feel…. no point really, I am sure he knows…. not much else to say…..

Maybe later we have a chance, maybe not….

Anyway it was a very very sweet romantic time and there maybe more moments… but always now tinged with sadness.

Those old love songs on the radio have lyrics now that jump out at me and pull at my very stretched old heartstrings!

My Mr21 is home this week from uni. He helped my retreive my half-starved and neglected sheepdog from the farm and is being very kind to her. Our white cat got excited about being allowed to play outside in the beautiful flower garden, and also about the handsome black Tom that lives next door and nicked off and was missing ALL NIGHT. SO releived to find her walking home the next afternoon and she hasn’t wanted to go outside since – particularly now there is a DOG in the nice garden.

We also have a friend staying with us again – a Mr12. They WERE having a great time together yesterday but the poor chap became very ill last night at 3.00 in the morning and is still feeling really awful… feel so sorry for him – away from home – praying he gets better soon so the boys can have more fun time together before he has to go home..(And also so I can get to town to get some urgent paperwork dealt with)

Must stop mooning about and get on with finishing this final bit of study that is overdue and enrol in the next course….

byee