Saying a VERY tearful Goodbye *Edit*
I haven’t felt like typing these past few days. A lot has happened that I should journal about but haven’t felt an urge to do so. Today I’m finally feeling better.
As far as last entry goes….I put this certain someone on "Restricted Profile". He can ONLY see the things I ALLOW him to see on my profile. So far all my pictures are closed off and private save for my wedding pictures. The ones I think he won’t try to get "off" on because he’s seen them already and my husband is in those pictures. I haven’t heard from him at all, which is good, but I’m kinda scared when he tries to contact me again whether on messenger or text message. I’m planning on not responding when he contacts me either way. I should have just kicked him off and blocked him, but as I said we were high school friends. What he has done to me hurts and terrifies me but I don’t want to cut ties because I want him to see there is hope with HIS marriage working out if I continue to work on mine and he sees there is absolutely NO POINT in him talking to me because I AM IN LOVE with my husband and NOT the past as he is. Bu I also don’t see how this will all work out when he sees virtually none of my profile. So I don’t know quite what to do….give him one last chance now even viewing a restricted profile, or block him completely, OR do I defriend him??
Well, the day of absolute destruction was Monday of this week. When I got into my car accident in 2010, my 93 year old Grandfather volunteered to give up driving, one, being he was 93 years old, and 2, he seriously had issues driving and staying in HIS lane. In return for A $1.00 (!!!!), he transferred his car into my name and gave me his car. He owned a 2003 Buick LeSabre called "Blue Silver". The car was very well taken car of. I remember he cried the day he gave me the car. I PROMISED him to keep it and take really good care of it. Two weeks later he died. The car was the last and final thing, earthly thing, he gave me. He had told me stories about the car and how he and my grandmother decided on the color, type and model. When I received it, it still had that "old person’s" scent to it. I left everything in it he had put in. I never took out the roll of paper towels and the same tissue box remained. Well, since i had surgery on September 7, 2012, I haven’t been driving and an issue arose with my parents. My Aunt Jean moved in and her car came with her. Seeing my parents already owned two cars, they couldn’t add another. So the option came up that I would sell my Grandfather’s car and the money we made from that would go to my Aunt, and then I would receive my parent’s maroon 2007 Buick LeSabre which, in all truth, was in MUCH better then my Grandfather’s mileage wise. They had given me this option a few weeks ago and I busted out crying to my husband, Todd, because I have a lot of sentimental investment in that car. I thought, I know it’s silly, but when that car died or I got a new one, that my Grandfather was REALLY gone and I’d have to accept it. I put this whole decision off in hopes everyone would forget it. Mind you, my parents didn’t ask me to do this, they basically TOLD me to do it. I felt bad and thought it would be in everyones best interest if I got rid of Grandpa’s car. I didn’t know that would be on Monday. A woman at church had her car smashed in by a drunk driver who collided with her car while it was parked in the street. It IS fixable. But she came up Monday and saw my Grandpa’s car and immediately fell in love with it. She drove it and loved it! I told her ALL the stories about it. I never cried once while she and my Dad were here. I was VERY proud of myself. But the minute she drove out of the driveway with my car and i saw the tail lights, I came into the garage and cried like I was gonna die tomorrow. From 12:00 until 9:00 at night I cried…..not just small tears, I CRIED, I SOBBED, I carried on like someone died. I felt horrible for my husband. He must have thought I was a wreck and NEVER gonna stop. I was DEVASTATED. I just sobbed. I literally couldn’t stop. Even writing this now I’m holding back tears. My parent’s gave me their car the next day and now a maroon Buick LeSabre is sitting in my driveway and I haven’t gotten used to seeing that one there and not my Grandfather’s.
^^My Grandfather’s 2003 Buick LeSabre^^
^^My parent’s(now mine), 2007 Buick LeSabre^^
Tuesday I didn’t feel like doing anything. I was depressed and everything, but I got over it. I went out with my Mom and went shopping. My foot ached afterwards but my Mom paid for some pants for me, seeing I’m not working right now.
Then today, well starting today, and actually starting yesterday, I started walking around with my Sketcher Shape-Ups. I got the okay to do so by my doctor to start today. But I started yesterday, and boy, I’m not in much PAIN, a little discomfort, but it’s a lot better then that big black boot I was in. It feels REALLY weird though. I don’t have much muscle left and NO cushioning on the bottom of my foot, but I’m literally hobbling along quite well.
Tomorrow I will attend church and then stay for Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by my church. It’ll be my first time out in the real world with a shoe on. I’m scared and a little apprehensive because it’s the first time since September 7th I haven’t walked in public, and i kinda limp, plus my calf looks NASTY, it’s SO little compared to the other one. It’s frighteningly thin. But I will be thankful for this blessing.
Happy Thanksgiving to all those who are celebrating. And remember: be safe with Black Friday as well.
God bless you!
**EDIT: I went ahead and blocked this certain someone from my facebook page. No need to get him to look at anything I post when I am not, in fact, interested in what he has to say about what I post.