New Therapist
This morning’s weigh-in:125.9 lbs
I’ve lost almost 5 pounds since Sunday!!! No binging or purging. Just watching what I eat. Plus I’m using crutches all day to get around and I’m sure that has something to do with it. But I’m sure it’s water weight gain from Sea World too. I’m feeling really good about this and that I can watch what I eat and lose weight the right way. Still no exercise for me but still feeling good.
I had the bi-polar therapist today. Her name is Dina Mercadante. I saw her today for the first time. She evaluated me and said I’m on a good dose of medication and with her help and the help of Dr. Fabisiak, my psychiatrist, I should be able to get the manic episodes down to normal. She said we need to retrain my brain to calm itself down using mediation, prayer and Yoga. So I’ll see how that all goes. We covered a lot of ground. I told her my whole life story and she believes I am a strong woman to have gone thru all I have gone thru. There’s a body inside me that desperately wants to live and live out loud. We just have to uncover it.
Now I will be seeing Dr. Carroll, my eating disorder therapist, next Wednesday as well. I should be seeing her for the last time and then I will okay Dr. Mecadante to get my records from Dr. Carroll. Dr. Carroll still doesn’t know I am seeing Dr. Mercadante yet. I have yet to tell her. I’m just so afraid that she will be mad at me. But I need this help to handle the bi-polar disorder and my eating disorder will still be there but I haven’t chosen to act on it since October of 2011…so a little over 7 months. I will still live with this disorder but I think I have it under control for the most part. So I’m looking forward to this new therapist. I told her I go into rages and she gave me a hand-out about anger and rage. Apparently I suppress feelings of discomfort, annoyance, disappointment, tenseness, frustration and resentment and unattachment until I scream and yell and it becomes a full blown rage. I suppress all those feelings and by doing so I explode. Now i haven’t had a full blown rage attack since December of last year. I’m doing good she said. Now we just have to go from that and keep going forward. She also said that people with bi-polar disorder feel emotions more strongly then anyone else. They feel more things at one time. Feel deeply. And that totally describes me. So I’m looking forward to this new therapist.
I went to work today, tomorrow will be my last day working from 2-5 in the afternoon. Friday I get the cortisone shot in my foot for my ankle and that’s at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. So next week I will go full-time again without the use of crutches. I will work 8:00 to 5:00. But anyway, I worked today and it was awful. My boss, Jennifer, had to come into my class and calm them all down. I HATE when she has to do that because it’s like i can’t do my job, but I desperately needed her help. So I was thankful she came in when she did. And then I find out that one of the kids that misbehaves and lashes out painfully to all the other kids in the class is looking towards a parent-teacher-daycare director and supervisor conference. He causes the class so much discord and causes them to do the wrong thing. He is constantly hitting and punching and kicking and getting violent with even the teachers. I’ve been hit kicked and punched before by this little boy. Can’t STAND it. So my boss, Jennifer, told me this afternoon to watch him and let her know if he’s not listening. He got a call to his Grandma’s house earlier today because he was in the office with my boss and my director, Stephanie, and NOT listening to them AT ALL. A conference is in the next order of business. I just feel so bad for him. I know somewhere in there is a good natured, loveable child but he is so disliked by his peers because he hurts them and he wonders why he doesn’t have friends. THAT is why. Miss Diana and I have high hopes for him but with each passing day of him not listening and hurting others, that hope dwindles.