June 24, 2011

who knew

3 months later.

i’ve obviously had a chance to cool off. and i don’t even remember being that angry… re-read last entry. i can be a drama queen sometimes.

in those three months, oh how things have changed.

irie is 4 months, she rolls, she "talks", she was sleeping through the night, but now she has decided that being up at 1 am is cool…bear realizes that she is a person now, and they stare and laugh at one another. it’s pretty awesome. bear is a big guy, he can help get dressed, ask for things that he wants, and has started getting favorites and dislikes.

husband is same as always, but i think that’s how we work. i complain, he ignores me, we get along.

the problem?? my brother. my little ass of a brother. always got good grades, graduated with honors, pretty easy-going… until he decided in april to sign up for the national guard. we told him not to do it. he was pissed because he wasn’t accepted to the NROTC program, and within a week had signed up for ntl. guard. now, fast forward to june. he graduates with honors, has a girlfriend, and decides that he no longer wants to go. i try to research all the ways to get out. his ship date comes and goes. his sgt tells him he is awol. and then all hell breaks loose. since this monday, i think i have lived two lives.

he "hears" that the cops are after him, which all turned out to be a misunderstanding, his girlfriend breaks up with him, and at 6 pm, i get a call saying "it’s loaded, but i can’t do it"….. 15 days after a kid i know blew his brains out the night before his HS graduation. yeah. i took that threat seriously. my mom and my husband took the gun away. i went over and screamed at him that he was going to the fucking nut-hut, and that was it. he didn’t go. so my mom called the sgt and told him that he was coming back to the ntl. guard. as of today, he’s still depressed, still going to the ntl. guard, but not until july, or possibly january, he’s still a little prick and beat the shit out of my sister last night, so he got kicked out of the house. as of this morning he was home. he’s like a fucking manic depressive. i don’t know what to do with him, but he’s refusing to go to the hospital. and they don’t have insurance, so he won’t go anyway. he thinks he’s better off dead (which my sister agrees to) and i’m getting sick of the "poor me" attitude. my mom said "you signed the papers, now you’re going to the guards, get over it"…………but nothing is working. i’m gonna have a fucking heart attack from all the stress.

meanwhile, i have to live my own life and try to pretend that i’m NOT going crazy inside………………….i asked my husband if we could switch families. i’m ready for a normal one.

but besides all the family drama, life is good. got the job on the pediatric floor. now i’m there for good. nice coworkers, and i get every friday off. love 3-day weekends! love my kids and husband, and loving life. so far, i’m NOT pregnant. which i’m also loving, but trying to remember my birth control pill every day is proving to be harder than expected….