Survey of Boredom

I did a real entry today.  I’ve run out of homework to do and books to read.  Pout.

Would you shave your head if a family member asked you to because they had cancer?
I can’t imagine any member of my family asking me this, but sure.  I’ve always wanted an excuse to shave my head.  I’d have to be extra careful with the sunscreen, though.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
Sit in stunned silence for a very long, long time.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
No.  I doubt he even knows exactly what he’s done to me in this life.  At least I don’t have to live with him anymore.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I used to be.  I’m not so much anymore.

Are you wasting your time on someone?
I sure as hell hope not!
 
Explain the last time you threw up:
Something about adult multivitamins just gets my stomach very worked up.  I threw up the last time I took one.  Now I just stick to my Flinstone’s vitamins.  ^^

Last thing that made you cry:
I had a really really bad dream that the guy who stalked me in high school was molesting my naked body up against a locker (in my junior high) while a bunch of junior high kids were watching.  I told Bryan about it and started crying.

Do you have a bad temper?
Used to.  I’m not too bad anymore, which is a really really good thing.  I’m glad I’ve gotten it under control.

Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years?
Probably sooner than that, if Bryan and I keep steady.  Maybe two?

How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?
Three.  One for my biological dad’s dad, one for a childhood friend who ODed on heroin, and one for my godmother.  Many more people that I have loved dearly have died– I’m not good at funerals, though, so I tend to avoid them where I can.

How often do you think about suicide?
Maybe once a month, in passing thought?  That sounds like so much, when I actually type it out, but it really isn’t, at least for me…  I used to think of nothing but.  *shudder*  Glad I’m over that part of my life.

What is your deepest fear?
Not being in charge of my own life.  (Funny you should mention this, I just discussed it in my entry earlier today)

Do you REALLY love all your family?
Kind of?  I thought I hated my dad, but with the whole gas leak business, I got very very upset when I thought he was in danger.  So, I really don’t know.
 
What do you want to believe in?
The inherent goodness of each person.  I want to believe in this more than anything else.

Do you have a secret crush on someone?
Since when are any of my crushes secret?  I don’t have a crush on anyone (but Bryan) right now, and even if I did, bunches of people would probably know.  (Especially Bryan, because I tell him everything.)

Are you proud of who you are?
Yes, I’m very proud of who I am.  I’m very proud of the obstacles in my life that I’ve overcome.  I’m proud of my academic progress, and I’m proud of the wonderful friends that I have made.

Do you feel alone even in crowded rooms?
No.  I usually get way too much sensory input when there are crowded rooms to be found.  Very much not alone.

What is the worst thing a person could do to you and still be forgiven?
HARD question.  I tend to forgive most everything.  I have not forgiven Peter, and I have not forgiven my dad.  I suppose I’d have to say "all of the shit that my dad put me through as I was growing up," because I hope to eventually forgive him for that.  Just not yet.

You’re dying in 10 seconds, what are your last words to your best friend?
"I love you."  And said with all of my heart.

…to your worst enemy?
"Please don’t drink anymore.  You’re killing your family."

Do you care if people hate you?
Not really.  The people in the world that hate me aren’t really great people, so I don’t really care what they think.

Freedom or safety?
Hmm.  I didn’t actually realize that I see these as roughly the same.  I’ll go with freedom.

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
I’m sorry I’m not wearing cool socks right now.  I haven’t worn socks all day.

Has a song ever made you cry?
Yes.  When I’m sad for one reason or another and an applicable song shows up on random, it always busts me into tears.

A book ever made you cry?
Oh yeah.  I can’t begin to name them.

Is the world crumbling to pieces?
All signs point to yes, though I really really hope that isn’t the case.  We can still fix it, guys!

Name one moment where you couldn’t control your rage:
I was moving out of my parents’ house and my little brother was playing with legos in the hallway outside of my bedroom and on top of the stairs.  I told him he needed to move, so I could get the heavy boxes, etc out of the room without hurting myself.  He said he would, but hadn’t moved after about ten straight minutes of my prompting him.  When I needed to get my first big box out and he still hadn’t moved one of his thousand little lego bits, I flipped out and started beating him up.  Bryan had to run out of my room and pull me off of him.  That’s the worst time I’ve ever lost my temper, so please don’t judge me too harshly.  🙁

Name one moment where you sincerely wanted to just die:
I suppose I’d have to answer with the one time that I attempted suicide.  (9th grade-ish?)  That sucked.

For the last one, just say anything you want, anything at all:
The last few questions were so depressing!  I’m really a happy person!  I’m not all fucked-up anymore.  I love my life.  I love the people in my life.  I’ve almost completely moved on from the crap in my past.