No News

So, I seriously have no news.  Danny has not called me back about the house.  It is very frustrating.  I’m hoping he’ll at least call back on Monday.  I haven’t found anything else on craigslist or anywhere that would be a suitable living place.  I also haven’t been putting tons of effort into it, because I’m fairly certain that we’ll get the Victorian.  I’m just worried about what will happen if we don’t get it.  I wish Danny would get back to me so I could know for certain.

My dreams have been very strange of late.  Pondering them has led me to realize that my greatest fear has changed.  I used to be so entirely afraid of being alone.  Mostly as a remnant from junior high and early high school, but it was still very present, and, well, terrifying.  The feeling of being completely alone, with no one to look to for support or help or friendship…  I’ve been there, and it’s horrible.  I’ve always been afraid of it.

My friends have proved, time and time again, that that will never happen again.  No matter what, if I reach out to any of them, and say that I need a friend, they’ve dropped everything and come to help.  Marley keeps coming to mind.  We’d just gotten in a huge fight, and I started crying…  Told him I felt like I didn’t have any friends anymore.  He just… was instantly there for me.  Even though I’d been verbally attacking him for the last hour.

Everyone has done this, repeatedly.  I’m not afraid of losing them anymore.

Now, I’m more afraid of not being able to control my own life.  Not being able to interact.  Being a bystander of my own life.  Paralysis due to helplessness, learned or real.  I’m afraid of not being in the driver’s seat, as it were.

I had this dream.  I was hugging Bryan, and then I was tent poles.  Bryan gave a sorrowful (disguising disgusted) look at them, and let them fall to the floor.  I was tent poles, lying on the ground in the middle of the desert, and no one loved me.  The fear from this dream came more from the fact that I had just let myself become tent poles.  I had become something useless and cold, and I could not change it.

So, anyway, that’s about all that’s new with me.

I stopped by the library on Friday, and turned in all of my books from the last month.  While browsing the shelves, trying to find something new to read, I came across The Princess Bride.  "Addie," I said to myself, "how can it be that you have not yet read this book?  This is, perhaps, one of your most favorite movies, and yet you have not read the book!"  I, of course, instantly checked it out and have begun reading it.  I’m about 2/3 finished already, and it’s fantastic.  I didn’t get any other books at the library, so I’ll probably have to go back tomorrow or something.  I don’t know what I was thinking, getting only one book.  I usually get two or three (or five or six if I’m going to be two weeks from the last time I went to the library).

I’m am eternally grateful that libraries exist.  I would not be able to support this habit otherwise.  I am also eternally blessed that Bryan loves the library even more than I do.  We usually make it a date to go get our books each Friday.  Awww, nerd love!  Can it get any cuter!?

Also, before we went to the library on Friday, we stopped by the Museum of Natural History.  (I love that we get in free!)  They have a new exhibit called "Toadally Frogs," with lots of fun things!  (Lots of live frog terrariums and fun information and general colorfulness.)  It was pretty exciting to go.  We got to see the dinosaurs (as always; I couldn’t go without seeing them, they’re my favorite!) and we re-visited the bug exhibit (with lots of live bugs!).  The frogs were definitely the neatest part, though.  They’re working really hard on making the museum much more appealing to little kids, and they’re doing a good job!  Bryan had a hard time getting me to leave, haha.

Poison dart frogs=love.

Hmm.  In a Biochem discussion the other day, one of the biology students referred to redox reactions as "really complicated math."  I shit you not.  I was really tempted to toss said person into my Foundations of Analysis class, and see how he did.  And then tell him that this class is barely scraping the beginning of mathematics.  Oh, to see his face.  Silly biologists.

I’ve really run out of material.  Mostly I’ve just been chillin’ out, relaxing, and reading my book.  Which is good, because I’ve been doing WAAAY too much, recently.  I should probably not actively try to have too many adventures until the semester is over.  Only three and a half weeks left!  Gadzooks!  I should probably go study, but we all know that I am going to go read The Princess Bride.  There’s no getting around it.