2/12/09

Have you ever really thought about entry titles?  When reading other peoples’ entries, I find that I can usually tell if people will write their entry titles before writing the entry, or after.  Most people, (myself included) will write their titles before their entry, so it really stands out when someone will write their entry first.  *shrug*

I’ve had kind of a shit week so far.  Monday was one of the worst days ever.  Everything just went wrong.  I wound up in a huge shouting match with my mother, among other things.  Most of the people around me also had really really horrible days.  It was awful.  Blech.

I’ve been pretty sick since Sunday, and have been desperately been trying to fight it off.  I find that if I drink at least one mug of green tea AND do yoga for at least an hour each day then I will feel fine.  If I don’t get either of those, I’m completely non-functioning.

*sigh*  There’s so much to do and so little time.

The other night I had this really weird dream, involving an old friend from elementary school, Dana.  I woke up and thought that I’d try and get a hold of her.  I found that she is currently attending the U, and was able to send her an e-mail.  We got together for lunch today, and had a grand old time catching up.

And by grand old time I mean…

I don’t know.  I know that people change, but it’s really hard when they change in neither a good way nor a bad way…  She was so different!  She’s somewhat punk/goth (or, not really, but she was in junior high and early high school, aparantly, and that carried over some), and out on her own, paying for her own school and housing and food and everything.  She’s blonde, but wears black mascara and eyeliner.  Her boyfriend just moved to Russia in August, and she’s been stuck with his shitty friend living at her apartment since then.

She tried to kick him out once, and wound up threatening him with a knife.  She threw it at him (knowing that it would miss, and it did by quite a margin, but still…)

She’s not shallow, but she’s not deep either.  She’s not dumb, but neither is she very intelligent.  She’s a very solidly average person.  An average person who talks a lot.  About 80-90 percent of the time, it was her talking about her life, and most of that was complaining about her current roommate who sucks balls.

She seemed so exhausted.  So tired.  So ready to move on.

Maybe she’s just got the "non-Mormon stuck in Utah" thing going on.  Most of her friends are from her work, which I happen to know is a highly Mormon establishment.  She said that all but two (three counting me) of her female friends are unmarried.  And she’s frustrated that everyone keeps trying to set her up with men, or that her dad is planning her wedding…

I found the whole encounter to be… like something out of a movie.  There was one moment where I completely lost the context of what I was doing (I’ve been doing this all week– mentally leaving and then coming back and having no idea of what’s going on for about five minutes).  I was looking at this person across the table from me, telling me about her life, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I was talking to her.

It’s not that she’s the sort of person that I dislike– she’s a very nice person!  She’s just the sort of person where I don’t tend to go out of my way to make friends.  It took me a minute to remember that she was Dana.  Dana!  Your best friend from elementary school, Addie.  You played LavaDogs with her and cried when you had to go to different junior high schools.  You survived the bullies together.  You invented a club where everyone in it had to fall down while skiiing at least once every ten minutes!  THIS Dana.

I’m getting better at lending energy to people.  Even though I have very little this week, I was able to give a lot to her.  I did feel incredibly drained after lunch, though.  My first reaction upon getting back to the cubicle was to take a nap.  I instead tried to work some problems, and found myself exhausted and unable to focus.  So I decided to type in here instead.

Prof. Truong stopped by a little bit, and I told him that I had underestimated my course load, and would not be able to do the amount of work that I originally thought possible.  He said that was completely fine, and that my undergraduate work should always always come first.  He’s been really understanding with everything that I’m doing so far.  Even though he says that I shouldn’t worry about the amount of work that I do for him, I’m really worried that I just won’t do enough and will really let him down.  I suppose it probably doesn’t even matter to him, because it’s not like he’s paying me or anything (yet)– but I still really feel the need to do my best, which I haven’t been doing.

I can blame a lot of it on being sick, but I really do need to try harder.  Thank goodness for a three day weekend, which contains not only Valentine’s Day, but also Monday, where I get to meet Lisa, the puppy coordinator, who will help me to get my puppy in (hopefully) May!  I am so excited for my puppy, you have no idea, guys.  It’s a lot of what will keep me going this semester.  House with Bryan, Bobby, and Mark, and a FUCKING PUPPY!!!!!  And it will be MY puppy.  Completely my responsibility.

My parents did such a poor job of raising their dog Lyra.  They got Lyra as a puppy just a little bit after I moved out of the house and into the dorms, and they didn’t train her at all.  They never take the dog on walks, they never work with her on sit/lie down/stay or anything.  She doesn’t really even come when you call her.  It’s very frustrating.  This dog is highly intelligent, and wants very much to please.  She should’ve been SO EASY to train.  Instead she has no idea what my parents want, and winds up just getting in the way more often than not.

So I’m excited that, for the first time, I will be able to raise the dog myself.  It might actually be well-trained!  *gasp*  It’s amazing how well consistency works for dog training.  And it will go on walks!  Because dogs really do need to get out of the house every now and then, seriously.

In short, I’m really happy with the amount of responsibility that will be put on me.  I do well with responsibility, and it really does make me feel good about myself when I do something right.  Not to mention that I will have a puppy that will absolutely adore me.

There’s some quote by someone about "One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night."  This is why I need a puppy.  Or rather, it sums up rather nicely my strong desire to have a puppy.  I need some unconditional love right now.  Yes, Bryan is fantastic, still.  But he has obligations and school and friends and cannot always give me tons of love whenever I want it.  Puppies?  Love is always on hand.  With lots and lots of kisses.

So, yes, Monday will be fun.

I had a su

dden overflow of nostalgia, but for what I do not know.  I just have that nostalgia feeling, but for no specific thing.

Perhaps I should get back to work; I feel that I can attempt it without getting too frustrated.

 

I love how cathartic writing is.  I remember now why I love it so much.  🙂