Thoughts…

This entry may but a little well…I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. The last few days were okay. I didn’t do that well on my history test. Although I did find a book for my report I have to find some way to get it. The other day in class we were talking about the gladiator fights and the teacher mentioned it was like their Superbowl but everyday. Then said wouldn’t it get borning everyday? Then someone mentioned having Tigers in the Superbowl.

The history is interesting. How the Romans invented cement and such.

I need to study more.

Today would have been my moms 52nd birthday. I miss her honestly. Earlier Kim was around to cheer me up. We ran errends then later came here and Cori did her hair then we went to 7Eleven. I got a coffee mug and some coffee. Then I got droped off at home. I started to feel sad again when she was going to drop me off and she said I should go and hang out with her but at that moment I didn’t want to do anything but go home and cry.

Then on top of that I didn’t want to go where she was going and end up wanting to leave or whatever and not being able too. I wouldn’t wantt to inetrfere in her good time so meh.

I think mother natures making me more emotional than usual but meh. Lately I feel like I wish I could turn emotions off. At least the sad ones temporarly. I don’t ubderstand the point of having feelings for someone if they don’t feel the same way and keeping those feelings even after you know they don’t. Or falling for someone who won’t give you the time of day and you know they wont because they’ve said they aren’t interested. Or even someone who doesn’t know you exisit or if they do hardly.

Gah. Not only that I feel like I’m in a slump. I can’t do everything how I want it. I can’t help people like I want.

I can’t find a place or a job. I feel useless. Useless with feelings that don’t have much use other than make me feel more in a useless slump. Maybe I’m overthinking.

Maybe having emotions regardless if the person knows I exsist or not or whatever is good because then it shows I’m capable of feeling,

I’m sick of being here in this place getting grated on for somehing every five seconds, I’m sick of thee same walls everyday but I’m not sure I’d be 100% comfortable with the alternative but at this point meh. I’m just sick of this same scenery. I fee like a useless friend because I’m not able to help friends like I want to.

I want to be able to get along with someone better…I’m trying…I feel stupid for possibly being even slightly jelous of that person. If that’s what it is. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever felt actual jelousy before.

Why can’t I find something like that?

People keep telling me lately I should dress up more. Even tonight I got told I should look good for a man. There’s no one around to even try and look good for what’s the point? Either way, I’m happy with the way I dress, thanks. I agree I could up my woredrobe a bit more.

In happier news Cori found another cat. Alex hasn’t came by in over a month so we don’t know where he is. The new cat is cute. I’m having Pizza for dinner. At 1:30 am AKB is going to have a live concert streamed on Youtube and Google+ along with the sister group from Indonesia JKT48 so that’s what I’m drinkng coffee and staying up for. I like the internet for this. I may not get to see certian artists live in person but I can see them live until then.

How are you? 🙂