Still Breathing

As of 8 days ago, Dad’s been gone 2 years. It still hurts today like today was the day it happened. I haven’t figured out how to compartmentalize the pain and grief. My monster doesn’t help with it either, not anymore. We lost Pumpkin back in June, so now anytime I start thinking about one I begin to think about the other and it hurts all over again.
Thank goodness for school, hopefully someone cancels and we get that slot. Kiddo needs it badly, so do I.
New dog to help fill the void. He’s not quite as snugglie as my Pumpkin was, but he’s sweet. Took him to the beach yesterday.
Made it to the gym for the first time in a month, but getting there when you’ve got no one to watch your kid is not an easy task, so I don’t go. Yoga tonight, yay, my once a week I get out without the kid, but gonna be working Bike Night again starting Thurs. WOOPY.  4pm-12am for $20. Since I’ll have to pay a babysitter, it’s more like $0. Woo Hoo I work for free. Not entirely though I guess, cuz I do get fed (hot dogs) if I want them, but all beef hot dogs when you prefer veggie dogs to even chicken… well at least there’s chips.
I’m tired ALL the time, kiddo wont EVER be quiet, my neighbor delights in over talking (tells me the same things 50000000+ times WTMFI) and then tries to live here when we’re alone. Half the time I couldn’t tell you if I’m up or not awake or sleeping, dying or surviving. That kinda talk is odd I know, but it’s not drugs or anything, I couldn’t afford then even IF I wanted them. If I was addicted to anything i’d say cigs and food, but with me being so stressed and depressed (I guess) food doesn’t always stay down. Ulcers and stress, ya know. 
My only accomplishment as of late: I’m STILL breathing (although under protest, but it is an involuntary function of the body, so…)