Company :)

Dear Diary,

Kurtie has invited some of his friends over for D&D Night, and i have just finished cleaning the entire apartment. Yes even my painting room, since the last time someone was here, Kurt insisted he go in my room to see my work, since he was interested in the finished paintings i have around the apartment walls. I later found that his friend’s fiance is also a painter, but she is stationed in Korea until their wedding this October. I could tell he misses her greatly. I could see it in his eyes when he mentions her, and in the way his eyes look to the floor as he does.

Today, i am to join their games since they needed a fourth player, i just hope we have enough chairs for everyone. Kurtie bought a new table and 2 chairs for the occasion, and i hope he will bring some soda and chips at least so we have something to offer them until we get pizza later this evening. I’m excited.

I’m also nervous and hot. I have to wear my favorite purple long sleeved shirt because i had a little slip last night. It was horrible actually. 

I had a little breakdown, and Diary, Kurt has absolutely NO idea how to comfort me. He keeps telling me to stop crying when all i want to do at that moment is cry. Its not his fault. I know he doesn’t mean for me to keep everything inside, but i’d be a liar if i said i didn’t think that at the moment. I can never tell him how i truly feel. He simply can’t understand. He can be dense sometimes, and he isn’t so deep as i wish he was. But it’s alright. I love him as he is, and i cannot love him for what he is not. I have accepted this long ago. 

It still makes me sad tho sometimes, that i have no one to really talk to. It used to be my mother, but now that we’re so far apart now that we have our own life, i cannot worry her with my troubles. She deals with enough shit from my father. And since my sister has just graduated from high school on the 12th (SO PROUD :’)) she is busy with college and job applications, so i cant bother her either. 

But its alright, so far my ipod and my paintings are enough to keep me on the shore for now.

I’m doing okay, getting there. Baby steps.

‘Til next time <3