Whoops.

Dear Diary,

I am so happy to come to you today, im actually happy for the moment, and i mean REALLY happy. You’d think that the cause of my happiness would be actually a bad thing, and no reason to be smiling about, but im messed up, and you have long known this.

I had a slip today.

But it was a good slip, if such a thing is acceptable, but unfortunately, its not. Whatever. I feel….new? Relieved is more relateable actually. 

In fact, i specifinally remember reading somewhere that it is "socially unacceptable to express pain." Well, another reason to fuck society right?

Ha, listen to the crazy girl trying to justify her actions to an imaginary audience. Its simply laughable, don’t you think?

Well i bet you would like to know why, yes? I have just one answer.

The simple things.

Kurt not listening to me, being alone in this apartment. Failing another attempt at mt online job. Not wanting to call my parents and my so called "friends." Not being able to finish my paintings. Not doing what i should as a wife, both practical and marital. Ugh. Failures mostly. And another failure to the ever growing pile that is my life.

*sigh* but i feel better believe it or not. The sweet release of blood can do wonders for the soul, well mine at least. I was even humming along to ‘Never gonna give you up’ as i did it. And in case someone reads this and gives a shit, don’t worry, i am not homicidal. Just suicidal. Big difference. No, i don’t want help. I think the only thing i need at this point is Titanium White, i never thought it was such a base for most colors i use on a daily basis. Huh, go figure.   

But im doing better, im actually now going to begin painting again after i finish here. Maybe do some laundry, and im thinking of cleaning the entire apartment tomorrow.

Anywho, i gotta get started before i lose more sun light. TTYL <3