Refreshed!

Max and I met up for drinks and dancing one night. It was just us two and I had a good time. Kissing him was amazing, and well… the other things we did were amazing too. lol. After that, he called me more and more. It was like we were back to our old routine. Sometimes he’d even call 3 times a day. I even spent 2 nights with him and his daughter. I missed her so much and she missed me too. I love them so much.

But… with that being said… We’re back to not speaking again, and it was my decision. I just felt like our issues weren’t resolved. He still doesn’t want kids and doesn’t want to get married, so what am I doing? I felt like he was getting exactly what he wanted… sex, friendship, love, with no commitment. I told him that I loved him but that I don’t want him unless he’s "all in" and ready for what I want. He understood. That happened on Christmas Eve, so the weight of the holiday and being lonely got the best of me. I cried all night long. I woke up on Xmas with a swollen, puffy face.

The odd thing is, I felt so good about what I did, a couple of days later, when it sank in. I will not settle for that. I know I really deserve someone who would love to marry me and have children with me. I love Max, and I know he has his own mid-life crisis to deal with. He has good intentions but he’s a tortured soul. He’s full of sadness, confusion, and doubt. I can’t let him drag me down with him.

I hadn’t heard from him since Xmas Eve, but he did wish me a Happy New Year last night.

Anyway, it’s a new year and I feel refreshed. I ran almost 3 miles this morning. The 10K I’m running is in 3 weeks, so I need to get on it and increase my distance and speed. I also start working tomorrow. I was off for 2 weeks. It’s going to be tough getting back into the swing of things, but I’m ready! Let’s go 2014!!!

Goals for the year:
Transfer to AZ State
Travel to NY
Be more positive
Finish the 10K under an hour
Quit worrying about the future