Joining the rest of society

I finally had a really good talk with my bff. She let me know why she’s been so distant. It’s all basically a bunch of misunderstanding. She thought I wanted space, I thought she wanted space, and we both just left each other alone. It was very dumb. But we cleared the air and I feel so much better – like a weight has been lifted.

She told me something that I thought was very interesting. She said that by staying off social media, I’ve been keeping myself from healing. She said I should keep going on with my life and that if I see something that hurts me I should take it in, internally, and grow stronger from it. She was like, "Be you. Don’t run and seclude yourself. You might see things that you don’t like, but let that create an anger in you that tells you that you made the right decision." She says I’m weak because I’m avoiding the inevitable, the hurt and confrontation. Maybe she’s right.

Anyway, she convinced me to get an Instagram account again. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been shaking ever since. I saw Max’s account, and his daughter’s and I didn’t see anything bad, but the reality of moving on hit me and hurt like hell.

I guess I just gotta plow straight through the hurt.

You know what’s funny… (maybe not funny, but interesting)… The other day I was consumed with suicidal thoughts, so I looked it up. One of the pieces of advise that it offers is to make sure that you don’t withdrawal from friends and family. Make sure you keep company even when you really don’t feel like it. Maybe my bff knows what she’s talking about.

So I guess it’s time to face my pain and join the rest of society again. ={

I’m soooooo scared.