Again? Why…

Jason is back in the picture.  Why?

I don’t know.

I had a talk with Mitchell the other night (my amazing boyfriend that that I live with), about how sometimes I can’t stop thinking about Jason.  First and foremost, Mitchell and I are best friends.  We’re able to talk about this stuff and not have it be.. weird?  If that makes sense.  But regardless of all that best-friend BS, it still hurts Mitchell more than I’d ever want to hurt Mitchell.

Sorry, most of you are probably like, what is going on?  Well long story short, Jason is my ex, a guy who I dated about two years ago for 6 months–he broke up with me for whatever reason (mostly because he was still living in his parents’ basement…) and then I almost immediately started dating Mitchell.  Mitchell on the other hand, is an amazing, sensitive, incredibly smart, successful guy who treats me like the queen that I act most of the time. 

Well… Jason decides to come back into the picture.  He wants to be with me.

Jason isn’t a terrible person or wasn’t a terrible boyfriend.  It’s not like a guy who used to beat me is coming back.  But…he’s definitely not sensitive.  He’s pretty rough.  But he also has his moments of pure sweetness.

Still nothing compared to Mitchell.

But maybe?  I keep going back to the notion that maybe I don’t need sweet and sensitive–maybe I need someone a little brash.  Right?  Or do I/should I hold onto someone who loves me more than I could ever understand?  Mitchell adores me and kisses the ground I walk on.  He would literally do ANYTHING for me.  I don’t know if I could say the same for Jason?  Can I?  Shit.  I DON’T KNOW…

I just CANNOT seem to figure out why I cannot get Jason out of my head!  I can’t!  At All!  He is CONSTANTLY swimming in my thoughts and feelings.  It’s the craziest fucking thing.  Scuse the language. 

And I also can’t shake the feeling that maybe Mitchell isn’t for me.  A good boyfriend for a bit… would make a GREAT husband… but shouldn’t I be feeling nothing but bliss?  I’m not.  I’m constantly plagued by this nagging feeling that I need to be single for awhile.

I DON’T KNOW!  Wish I had all the answers.  I feel like my brain and heart are telling me two different things.  I actually can differentiate the two… blah. This sucks.

Anyway… stay out of love triangles.  I don’t recommend them.

On a separate note… my interview today at the MLB park went AMAZINGLY.  Boy… we will really see where the wind takes me on this one.  It’s a crazy feeling having a full time job and interviewing for jobs on the side lol.

Much love everyone,

-Elle.