Tough Times.
At work.
Is this what being an adult is like?
50% of my life is passable, the other 50%–my work life–sucks ass crack. Lol. Sorry for the colorful description.
Anyway, I am a food and beverage manager for (what I think) is a crap hospitality company in Big City. I don’t trust the company. It’s small and the leaders HARDLY exemplify the company standards and/or professionalism. It’s more of a fraternity setting. Lots of hoo-has and pretentious, Men’s-Wearhouse-Wearing wannabes.
But I digress. Back to my actual job.
I’m an F & B Manager, and if anyone knows what that entails, you know it’s not easy. It’s 60 hour weeks, flaky employees, lots of running around, picking up after EVERYONE in the hotel/conference center. Today, had a little mini breakdown to my Event Planner about how I really dislike this job.
She went and told my new GM. NATURALLY. So the new GM sits me down and asks me what’s up. And I told her EVERYTHING. I started crying because I was like, I don’t know what to do. The old GM and Ops Supervisor made my life a living hell. I don’t know what direction I want to go. I don’t want to do this job anymore. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Maybe I’m just one of those people in life who scares everyone away. I’m a hard worker, a good person. Or so I feel. But I’m fiery, and can get angry, frustrated. It’s my blessing and my curse.
I so desperately want to "make it" in life. Unfortunately, at age 26, I don’t know yet what "making it" is. I wanna be successful. But do I want to be successful for myself? Or for others who may or may not be objective when it comes to my successes in life, such as my family? I feel as though I am successful now, but I am SO incredibly unhappy. This is not the job I want to do forever. Hell, I fucking HATE hotels.
I started this like… a week ago. Haven’t been able to finish on account of spend like 99.9% of my time with my boyfriend (Mitchell) and he doesn’t know about my little online diary/complimentary therapy sessions. LOL.
Anyway. I’m still applying and looking. But now, part of me wants to stick with it? Not sure. Fuck. I HATE BEING AN ADULT.
Esp since I have a Libertarian view of life–what matters? You live for 100 or so years and then die. Unless you are Jesus, you will be forgotten. It confuses me. I’m a devout Catholic but God and I are working some things out right now.
If you read this, you know more about my life than my own mother. Lol.
Much love,
-Elle.