warning

‘but you warned them.’he said. ‘you told them they wouldn’t get what they wanted from you. you told them what you were like and what you did. you warned them over and over again. so why are you crucifying yourself? ‘

he doesn’t know me. he reads my cards.
and he calls me out on my life.

‘it’s not your fault. you warned them. you haven’t chosen to take your power..’ at that point, my jaw dropped. ‘you should be writing this down,’ he said.
‘you haven’t chosen to take your power. create what you are. you’re angry at yourself because you didn’t give them what they wanted eventually. you told them they wouldn’t get what they want.’
i write down so many of his words. word for word. every week. and read them over and over again. he hits you where you need it. every time.

‘you meet people and you inspire them. you warn them. and they still expect you to be what they want. they get angry, frustrated, and chose to disassociate with you. but, eventually, they step back from the anger and they still have what you gave them.’

i’ve done the therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, meds upon meds, diagnosis upon diagnosis.
and all i’ve ever really needed was this man to call me out on my shit.

today i blinked a little harder, held my head up a little higher, and breathed a little deeper.
i’m working on who i am. but i am not as bad as i thought i was.
it’s going to be easier now. and i’m going to be okay.