And it’s been awhile…

Over a month so it would seem actually.

Of late there has not been much to write about or a will to write all things considered. As Aimee posted, march doesnt look like it will happen, but Im still striving to make it asap. It’s not easy, mentally. I’ve spent the best part of this month tired, worn out mentally and scared shitless it’ll all come crashing down. If I dont get there soon It will, hell, somedays I feel like I’m flogging a dead horse and the jockeys run off.

I asked Aimee when i first had planned march, if I couldn’t make it what would she do, she said she’d still be there, but reading her diary, and knowing deep down inside I knew it wouldn’t be.  She did try to make it easy for me, but Im too stubborn to let go, and baby, that email you sent me that night gave me all the hope it wa still going to work. I expected one of those "your not doing enough, I need to move on, I’m "married to such n such", I just went round to wax his back" etc etc.

Instead, it was what I needed, hope, a chance.  I really dont need to feel like my best isn’t good enough when everyone around me is telling me I’m trying my best.