Mind War

So, Im at work. Aimee is meeting a guy she meet at the club for coffee.

Let me show you Dirk’s brain at this point *points at a big steaming pile of cowshit*

Seriously, it pisses me off. "She’s going to be wooed off her feet." "You so far away and he’s there, sucked in." "Your a stopgap for something better."

Yes I know it’s my mind and Im thinking these things. What pisses me off is that while I turn around and say to Aimee "I dont mind that she’s meeting him." Im thinking this shit! Yeah Mr "I’m not jealous or worried yadda freakin yadda." Okay, being slightly jealous and worried wouldn’t bother me. But that crap just annoys me to fustration. I trust her, I love her, I respect and have confidence in our love. Yet my insecurities lend play to fucking retarded thoughts that put me on the verge of venting the back half of my brain against the nearest wall, because I dont know what else to do.

Seriously, my insecurities helped kill my first relationship, then i dont suffer them and Bec hooks up with Brett. So now….Im freakin sitting here worrying for multiple reasons.

a:) Im worried I’ll drive her away through my negative thoughts.
b:) I’m worried I’ll drive her way through my constant depressive states
c:)Im worried I’m not coping as well as I should be and this will cause her to worry about "what she’s doing to me."
d:)I love her to bits and I’m turning fro the man she came to fall in love with, to some maniacally depressed twat.
e:)Im abusing the use of point form and colons(sp)

All of these I’ve voiced to her, all of these things of cried in front of a webcam through worry of my actions to her about. All of these are slowly eating at me. It’s a vicious cycle…well cept for (E)…

I dont know what has brought this on, but I cant seem to shake it right now. The whole week has been like this on and off. Am I insecure because she met another guy, and she could fall for him, even though she’s said otherwise…..In all honestly, yes, and I’ve said this to her and she’s flatly offered to smack me upside the head for being silly.

I know it’s going to be hard, but fuck you think i’d handle it just a little bit freakin better?