Meaningless

I havent written in a while…well because there’s been no point. Nothing interesting to say, not that there ever is.

Had two days of this week from work because I was so freakin tired and lathargic(sp) I couldnt concentrate or stay awake at work. So I’m making the effort of trying to eat properly. Blew $150 on food and am pretty much broke apart from fuel for Blasphemy. Got Multivitamins, red meat yadda yadda.

Mentally Im exhausted. I cant be fucked. I seriously cant. No matter how hard I try to get shit sorted and start saving things keep gettin in the way due to my lax nature or stupidity. This weeks pay’ll be fuck all. So no saving there. I have NOTHING..not even a freakin dollar put aside to visit Aimee. I cant seem to get this on track. I sit here looking her in the eyes saying I’ll be there soon, and all we can ask is when? Fuck!
I DONT KNOW WHEN…and it hurts… Every fuckin day it hurts. Because I feel like I’m failing not only this gorgeous woman, but myself. *shrugs* It got to a point where all we can do is worry and feel like crap because we need each other so bad, that we’ve lost sight, and the excitement, of the prospect of meeting. I feel like Im sucking the emotional life out of this woman, and not giving anything back.

No Im not looking for a reason to get out of it, nor am I saying there is no hope at all. It’s just going to be a longer fuckin journey than I had hoped and I have to look at those gorgeous eyes for a few more months through MSN that keeps fucking up, on a computer that keeps rebooting, talking about how it’s hard working only 40 hours a week, lifting 800-1000 16-50kg cartons a day. Oh my what a hard life I have apparently *yes severe amounts of sarcasim*

I dont know if I should even fuckin bother writing about it anymore