snowmane

I decided to try out an Al-Anon meeting today. I have such an exciting life. The idea was brought up in therapy on Monday. I don’t know if this is something I have even mentioned in any previous entry here on Open diary, but my dad is an alcoholic. I’m not going write much about it right now because it would take more energy and attention than I have to give at the moment. And to be honest, its never been something I liked sharing. I know so many families go through the same thing, but it is still something I try to hide. It may be something I come back to write about here though, I’m sure it would be helpful to myself.

But back to Al-Anon. It was a last minute decision this morning, I was all about the "eh, fuck it, I will try to go to a meeting next week" but I decided, what the hell, and I have the time.

I don’t want to compare meetings, EDA/Al-Anon, but it was quite different today, but mainly because it was an actual ‘group’ I’m not sure what its like at other 12 step meetings, but I felt crowded. I think there was maybe ten people at the meeting today, which is small I beleive, but ten is a whole lot more than I have been used to. I liked the group atmosphere, and I’m glad I was able to get a small feel for how a larger fellowship opperates. I didn’t speak much. I had things to say, and plenty of words floating around up in my head, but I wasn’t able to get it out. I think I will return next week, but I don’t know if I will even be able to share anything then.

I came out of the meeting feeling pretty sad, but mostly because of what others shared.

After the meeting, I stopped at satrbucks to get coffee, because apparently the coffee I had during the meeting wasn’t enough for me. After starbucks I found myself at a grocery store. Shocking. I like to beleive I will find some ED friendly food that somehow magically appears upon each visit to a grociery store. Its a big joke, I know, but perhaps I don’t know. Who knows?? I tend to cirlce the store, hoping to spot something I missed, which is really fucking stupid because for the most part, all grocery stores contain the same sort of thing. I…ME…the real person…I… knows this. Its an endless, useless, wasteful cycle. I just keep doing it.

I did find something to buy, which was cucumber salad and some already popped popcorn, the kind thats plain, no butter, gluten free, blah blah blah…or so the label claims. When I got to the counter to pay for it, I realized I left my wallet in the car. I cannot even tell you how many times I have done this. I try to go over a little checklist for myself before leaving the car. For example, car keys out of ignition and in my hand? check, purse? check, headlights off, windshield wipers off? check. sun glasses off my head? check, wallet? Myself? Myself? Myself? Where the hell did I go??? Oh right, check. Unfortionately, I tend to forget to check my checklist off of my checklist. Yeah, I get no where. Which is why I constantly forget my wallet, or leave it in the car. I don’t know how, or when, or why I even take my wallet out of my purse just for the hell of it in the first place????? I don’t know why I do half the shit I do anyway. So…in line..I realize my absent minded mistake, and once again, I have to feel like a dumb donkey and explain to the cashier my issue. (They are never impressed) As I was walking out to the car to grab my wallet, I saw Ada. Guess who got distracted again. Ada and I together..its a whole hell of a lot worse. We get nothing done. Ever. I decided to walk along with Ad while she picked up the few things she needed, except that took longer than expected because I nealry began to shop for new things. I did eventually end up back at the costomer servive counter to pick up my bag of ‘groceries’ and actually pay for them this time. But then when I got outside of the grocery store…still blabbing on with Ada, I realized I didn’t have my car keys. I am one of those people who have to stop and set down my purse to rummage through it to find what I need (think like Polly in the movie Along Came Polly) So thats what I did, but of course I had no car keys in there, so I figured maybe I left them in my cars igniton, which I also tend to do often…cough cough…yesterday…while at the grocery store….for coffee….cough cough…but the keys were not in the car. So then I had to go back into the grocery store…3rd times the charm. Left them at costomer service. Costomer service must have been invented for people like me. Customer service must hate people like me.

Im not going back to that grocery store for a while. Clearly I was not meant to be there. But you know what, I am thankful for the situation.(looking at the bright side of things) I had wanted to go back home to eat and puke. My absent mind left me no time to do so before picking up the kids from school. Ada saved me, I saved me, forgetfulness saved me, my lack of organization saved me…for this one time at least. And once is better than nonce. Nonce should be a word.

I stopped by Ada’s after the grocery store. She gave me this really great leggins that have a zigzaggy patters and sparkles. Just enough sparkles. I lovee them, and I will be wearing them anytime now. Its like in a matter of hours now (because I am in bed, other wise, I would be wearing them right now)

The other morning, there was a snowman in the middle of my street. There hasn’t been any snow left on any street around her for a while now, so I was a little bit excited about it. I was also ready to get out of the car and tap the snowman on his shoulder to ask him if he even knew where he was. I wanted to tell him that the street wasn’t the best place for a snowbeing to be. That there was a nice safe patch of grass just to his left. And that he could hang out there for the remainder of his days, and peacefully watch the world go by as he melted slowly away, one day at a time. Or I could have done the snowmane thing and attempted to pick him up and place him in an safer place…I could have asked myself, "What would Jack Frost do" WWJFD. I didn’t do any of that though, and maybe I’m going to freeze in hell now, but I liked the idea of having a snowman in the street. It was a nice change. Rocks and trash can get boring. Later in the day, there must have been a snowmanitarian around, because he was placed in a safer location. And by safer location, I mean in the grass to the left, in snowmany pieces. And by snowmany pieces, I mean about 5 pices. Which really isn’t so many, but then again, would you want to be in 5 pieces? 

(I need to stop with the attempted puns and plays on words)