Intoxicated with the madness

Moments…

 

I told Steve Cairns that I wasn’t interested in him tonight. 
By text, because he has some weird fricken phone call thing, that he just can’t speak on the phone.

He’s only been separated for only 5 months and just couldn’t relax when it came down to "us" whatever "us" there could be after meeting someone for 5 hours… He was constantly asking me what I was doing,and what I was feeling… I had a bad feeling that he was more of a girl than I was.  I didn’t want to put any label on whatever we were… it was weird… like we just meet…. you not gonna be my boyfriend, after spending 5 hours together.
So after 15 more text’s today asking me what I was doing and increasingly weird texts reguarding where our "relationship" was going, I just told him that it wasn’t gonna happen, that he’s pretty much pushed me away with his carry on…
I don’t know…. but if its like that to start then its only gonna get worse.



I got an email from my first real life lived with boyfriend a few days ago through facebook, and then several friend requests from his/ our old group of friends.

We were together from when I was 19-21. and we broke up coz I decided to move to Melbourne, which I now see as the gutsiest move ever, because I was so madly in love with him, and he really was such an amazing guy.  Gorgeous, so funny, and he had a huge group of friends that I just loved.

So much of my life was infuenced by my time with him. Things that I still carry with me now.

My love of old cars, he was a car freak, and I just learnt so much and got into cars on my own, and have kept that.  My music tastes.  I found beautiful seattle grunge while with him… Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Nirvana, and still now I find myself, although my music tastes have massively diversified, But I still go back to Smashing Pumpkins and Faith no More, Alice in Chains…
I saw an EPIC Faith no more concert with him… they weren’t even playing in our town, but while looking through the saturday paper one morning there was a tiny little ad in the personals column about being at Warners ( a pub) at 2pm and there being a very limited number of FNM tickets for sale to a intimate gig.  We went and brought 20 tickets and went to the concert and man, still to this day,  (and  I have been to big concerts and huge money blowing productions,) but nothing will come close to that FNM concert with only maybe 300 people and rocking out in this little hall…. it was mad!

My sense of humor, yeah, I grew up and got alot from him… 
But yeah to see now he is married and has a one year old boy… lol.
Funny… can’t believe it was 16-17 years ago.

 
I have been thinking about culling off some of my facebook ties.  I mean why the fuck do I have people that I haven’t spoken to for 15 years on there, or people that I worked with for like 6 months, and never really liked anyway…
I dunno… Facebook, its such a disease of our generation.
And I am seriously thinking about getting rid of my dad and his side of the family… ie my junkie half sister and the other 2.
I mean my dad has never spoken to me, in 35 years,  but he likes to send me facebook messages telling me he loves me…
I think not…  I have have never spoken to, talked to in anyway my half sisters and brother.
Do I want them in my life/facebook.??

hmmm.

Some weight lost.
New hair too… short and red, for now…

Need and new or permanent job.
And something nsa would be handy… lol.

Thats it.

Kip