Remember those walls I built

 
Its over.

4 days shy of our One year anniversary, and its over.

I really can’t go over what happened, or whats been said during and after.

I am so completely, utterly, truelly, broken.
My heart feels as though its been ripped out of my chest and stomped on.

He was the man who changed my world, who I tried so hard for, who I let everything out with. I tried to bring him in, told him things that I never had before, because he encouraged it, and look where it has got me.
I won’t do that again…
 
I wanted to, and truelly thought that I was with the man, that would be beside me when I was 80.
He shared the same hopes and dreams, he wanted the same things I did.
 
I can’t go on.

Isaac, his mum, his dogs, the people in his family that I met, they are all family to me, and I feel like I am grieving.
Like I have lost everything  that I loved for 12 months of my life.
I have…

He’s not heartbroken, he is being nice too me… but, I don’t think it will take him much too move on.
He stilll has everything the same, his family, his friends, it will just be me that he is without.
And this is his choice anyway
.
I can’t bare to think of my life without him.  I  just can’t….
He has given me so much,
I never wanted this too happen.
He was it.
And now its gone.

I knew he was special from before I even met him…. I just can’t bear thinking that I have lost my best friend..

I last felt this bad when James died, it was worse, but the same range of feelings.
I’m not sleeping, I have eaten one thing in 2 days.  I can’t even drink, and close to tears all of the time.

And Its so hard driving to work with those trucks and those rock walls.

I don’t want to be kip anymore