January 9, 2008

pre-deployment fears

Well… I just don’t know where to say this. My Opendiary is kind of a secret from most of the people I actually know in real life so it seems like a safe enough place to pour out the real fears I feel.
I’m trying to be so strong. But the truth is I’m scared to death and I just want to cry 50% of the time. Zakk is preparing for his first deployment and it’s turning into such a disaster. I had just gotten used to the idea of him being out floating around in the ocean port hopping for 8 months and now the closer we get the worse it gets. The most recent news is that they’re skipping the boat and flying straight to a pretty ugly war zone and instead of mid febuary they’re going next week and they’re not getting their pre-deployment leave. I just don’t know what to do with that. How can they take him away from me, and send him to a place where he is in actual mortal danger, without giving him the chance to kiss me goodbye?
I just don’t get it.
And I’m really sad.
This is his first deployment so I really don’t know how things work. And neither does he. So I don’t know if he’s going to be able to call ever, or email, or if we can IM and webcam, or if my letters will reach him. I don’t know when I’ll see him next or even if anyone will tell me if he’s hurt.
All I know is he’s been so wonderful lately. He’s been extra sweet and romantic. And he’s being so brave about this deployment. I feel like it’s killing me that we might not see each other but he’s strong and tries to make it better.
Yesterday he told me, if something happens to him he wants me to be happy afterwards. I can’t even think about that. All i can think is that i need him in my life.
God! i’m scared. Scared that he’s going to be one of the heros that loses his life for country. I don’t want him to be a hero…

takentxbrunette

January 10, 2008

i’m sorry chick

Second, The

March 29, 2008

I saw you on the front page. Since you’ve talked to him at this point you probably have a better understanding as to what options are available to him for communication. I can say though, that pretty much everywhere we go (I’m a marine too) letters and packages go too, sometimes they just take awhile to arrive.

I’m sure he doesn’t want to think about something happening to him, and he definitely doesn’t want you worrying about it(like that’ll prevent you, I know) but I can say that knowing that you’re doing ok and will continue to be ok no matter what happens helps him feel better. It’s hard enough doing what he does and just being there in general without having to worry about what’s going on back home.

Deployments are hard, on both of you. I’m assuming that you aren’t near his home base since he called you when he left and you weren’t actually there to say goodbye. I’m not sure if you guys are married but I get the impression that you are not which sucks in one respect because as a girlfriend of a marine you don’t get a lot of the support that is available to the wives.

My wife has found a lot of support on online message boards since she, also, is not near the base (and therefore the other wives of my unit). I don’t know any of the sites by heart but I can ask her and get back to you if you’re interested. I know it helps her to be able to talk to someone who understands/has been through what you’re going through. In the meantime be sure to send him letters and

care packages because although I’m sure he knows that you love him and think of him, it helps to have that physical proof. By the way, its ok to be scared, but both you guys can get through this. I won’t say he’ll be back before you know it, but it isn’t forever.