forgiveness and sorry

Don’t ignore my last entry just because i wrote this other one in the same hour or so because that’s the one that has all of the good stuff in it.  i just needed to write this down.  i wish there was some way to tell without letting them know how i found out.  See the thing is, i  was scrambling through some OD’s tonight, just randomly and i came across one that i knew.  Remember how there was that one person in the world who i would always hate. well… funny thing is, i was reading his diary.  You know, a few years ago,  hell even a few monthes ago, and it might have hurt me or made me angry to find it and read it but now i just feel sorry.  i want to tell him that i’m sorry that i couldn’t forgive him before.  i know that he needed my forgiveness and i know that i needed to forgive him but i couldn’t because i was hurt and angry and afraid.  Now i think that enough time has past, and more importantly enough things have happened to me, that i can honestly say i forgive you.  and i’m sorry that i held onto my anger for so long.  i dont deny that you made a mistake or say that it’s ok because it probably wont ever be.  but i do forgive you and i forgive myself.  because it wasn’t all your fault. 

how about that.  i’m sorry and i forgive you.  I’m so glad for you that you found God and that he makes you happy.  I wish i was there again.  ((not in idaho… in that close relationship with God.  i’ve fallen away and i’m just not quite sure how to spark an intrest again))

i have no idea if he’ll even read this… but if he does i hope he’s not upset that i read his diary.

crystal