Tit-saster.

So, I wear these bras that’re like… not typical everyday plain bras. Ok, when you’re a DD/DDD (depends on the bra, see) it’s REALLY hard to fucking find bras that don’t come out of a ‘Cross my Heart’ box from walmart. They’re ugly. And lifeless. And your boobs look SHITTY in them. No offense. So there’s this brand of bras which is all I wear- Cacique. They’re expensive, at least $40 each, but since you wear them every day, it’s a purchase I justify. Specifically, I only like plunge bras, the kind that only attatch the cups at the very bottom, because you never know when you’ll wanna wear your fav shirt and it won’t look good with it if you can SEE some of it or something. I dunno. I dress like a whore sometimes, so what? So back to today’s story. This is the bra I happened to be wearing today:

Yea, I wear shit like this out in my everyday life as a professional ass-wiper. So, I was wearing my favorite SUV driving soccer-mom outfit of a plain white tee, and black velour tracksuit and decided to stop by the store for some fresh cilantro and more garlic for some delicious concoction I’ll be making tonight, and to more importantly return my free-Monday-night-Redbox. And I can’t for the LIFE of me figure out why every effing woman that passes practically snarls at me, and every man smiles or winks. Literally. I HATE winks. I look like I have a syndrome or Bell’s palsey or something when I try and wink. FINALLY I get to the line for the register, and the woman at the register sort of coughs at me. I look up and she coughs again, and I look down thinking I have like, ketchup on my face or something. And i FINALLY realize that she’s pointing at my shirt, and that you can see all the black accents right through the shirt. I mean, I HAD a jacket on, it was just unzipped. And I hurridly zip up and flush bright red, and the man behind me says ‘awww man….hunny you look great!’ Uhhhhh…… gross and sad. I’m a whore! I never learn that lesson. It never gets through my head that I do that, it’s NOT on purpose.

Moving right along. I found a puppy I’m interested in. It’s surro-momma is super nice and I’m going to meet with him before the superbowl (Sidenote to all the ladies- the BEST time to shop ever is during the Super bowl, preferrably if it’s your hometown playing. All the stores’ corporate offices require they stay open, but the place is completely empty, and LAST year, Quiznos was giving everyone free subs and all the security was congregated around plasmas in various locations. A shopper’s dream, really!) on Sunday, and if I love him, he’ll be old enough to go home the day before Valentines’. And then I’ll have my true love for V-day He’s a puggle. I want to name him Nugget or Pedro. I just really want a smallish dog named nugget. It’s cute! Shut up. Everyone’s giving me shit. </p