No clever title…just angry

For as long as I have been intelligently able to do so, I have formed some very definite–some would say different–beliefs about God and what it means to be Godly.

I don’t believe it’s as complicated as many people like to make it out to be.  I don’t believe God wants us to be so serious about it all the time. 

I certainly don’t believe that going to a designated building every week is necessarily going to bring me closer to God or to Heaven.
But I DO believe.  I’m just not a religious person.  Right now, the most I can say is that I believe.

My wife was raised with more definite religious beliefs.  Still, I’m certain she has gone through the same period of questioning that most of us experience.  She, unlike me, came out of that period with the belief that her religion IS important to her and while she may not openly discuss it at parties, she makes no secret about the fact that she is religious person.

Because we are both secure in our beliefs, however different they may be, we have always been able to find a solid balance in that area.  When we started dating, I began attending church with her whenever I was in town.  My being there made her happy and it didn’t cause me any sort of spiritual dilemma to go…so I did it.

Once I moved here, I began giving a little of my time to the church–again, as a way of being closer to my wife.  It made her happy, and I was able to do it without compromising what I believe.  So I did it.

Out of respect for her privacy, I won’t go into detail here about what happened tonight. The short version is that she left our home in a wonderful mood.  She looked forward, as she often does, to going to the church tonight and giving her time.  She came home crying.
She came home from her church–the place that is supposed to bring her joy and fulfillment and–in tears.

She’s always told me that I was being idealistic in my belief that a church should be the one place you could go and not have to worry about all the crap that we deal with in everyday life–the intolerance, the drama, the backstabbing, the finger pointing.

"Churches are made of people," she tells me.  "And people don’t always like each other or get along."

She has a point, so I could accept it when she would leave some of her weekly obligations feeling angry or frustrated.

Tonight, she made a conscious choice to go to the church and give her time–and came home saying, "It was the wrong choice."
In what belief system does it make sense to go to a place that is wonderful and joyful and peaceful–to give your time and your heart freely–and come away thinking that was the WRONG choice?

Not in any belief system I will be a part of.

I cannot make the same decision for my wife.  So tonight, I told her that I would no longer be going with her to church, or giving my time as I have done for the last two years.

I can no longer be a part of a community that makes someone I love regret doing something THEY love.
She is too nice a person to tell certain people how she feels–Out of respect for her, I pray that I never get the chance to do it for her.  For me, this decision is an easy one.  I’ll enjoy having my Sundays free

My wife is considering stepping away from her role in the church.  One that she has had for nearly as long as I’ve known her.  For her, things are not so easy.  I know that her church is important to her, so she may find a way to continue to be part of that community in a way that still brings her joy.  I hope she can.

The fact that she HAS to is what makes me angriest of all.