So, You Think You’ve Been to Hell?

Well, let me tell you, you haven’t.

Not unless you have been on a two and a half hour flight with 75 high school cheerleaders.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Under normal circumstances, I definitely don’t have a problem with being surrounded by cheerleaders, but…well…let me put it another way:

1. Memo to Little Miss Flat Booty: You are not J-Lo.  Lose the stupid hat.

2. If you are in high school and you are causing more commotion than the two-year-old sitting across from me, there is something seriously wrong with you.

3. We are in an airport, not your gym.  This is not the place for you to practice your stupid routine.  By “performing” for all the people in the terminal, you are A) disrupting foot traffic, B) probably causing a security hazard, and C) looking like idiots.

4. Memo to cheerleader’s mom: You are not cute.  In fact, you are almost as annoying as your child.  You failed at cheerleading and do not have the expertise required to coach it.  Please do not try to be a part of your daughter’s squad in any capacity.  You had your chance.

5. How hard is it to board a plane, go to your assigned seat, and sit in it without climbing all over shit and once again disrupting traffic?

6. Now that we are in our seats, here’s an idea–let’s NOT involve me, a total stranger and someone who only wants to write and sleep, in your stupid truth or dare games.

7. Sorry, Princess.  No matter how much you whine about how long you’ve been on planes today, or how little you’ve had to eat, the line isn’t going to move any faster for you.  Whether you know it or not, the world does not revolve around you.

8. You should NOT be proud of being the “24th best team in the United States.”  I don’t want to hear, “Let’s see you do it,” or “24 out of x is very good.”  The goal is to win and nothing less should be acceptable.