It’s only day two, and the work week is hell…
Sunday was so nice. Mom and I spent the entire day together. We went to the mall and I spent waaaay more money than I should have, but I don’t even care. We just had a great day together. I’ve missed it. So much. And she told me here biggest secret ever. I respect my mom so much more now. I know why she’s such a wise woman, and why she worries about me so often and the situations/relationships I have been in in the past. I love her so much.
However… This work week is already going so horribly. All of Monday was terrible. John was depressed so we were fighting and I just don’t even know. I wanted to die. I wanted to hurt myself so incredibly badly it’s not even funny. I know that if Tori hadn’t stayed with me that I would have, and that scares me…
Work was horrible all in itself. Like. A little girl there threw the WORST fucking tantrum. Which is normal for her but I mean SERIOUSLY? She fucking threw herself into me so hard that she knocked me backwards as I was holding her so she wouldn’t hurt herself and I nearly cracked my fucking head into the corner of our teacher desk/table thing. I ripped her up off of the floor and carried her all the way down the hallway and plopped her on the floor in June’s office. All I said was "Here you go. I can’t deal with her right now, nor will I. So have fun." And left. My face was blood red, my ears were hot. I was shaking. Can’t handle disrespect well. Pisses me off more than anything in the world. The another one was pissing me off later in the day so I just took him straight to June. I was done. So done.
Tori got me and we went to the mall after I got off of work. Got new panties and a new bra and a bit more body jewelry to have.
Was up until almost two in the morning arguing with John.
Today was just so great too. Miss Jessica is a fucking bitch. It’s really pissing me off. Like, her and I were supposed to help Courtney clean out her old classroom right? Funny how Jess was NOWHERE to be found ninety percent of the time. Find out later that she was talking to my mom and said "I don’t feel like helping Courtney with her room, so I’m just making Casey do it all." SERIOUSLY BITCH!? FUCK YOU. Fuck you for treating me the way you have been lately. I hope you get a different fucking job, because you are damn near fucking useless. God I just can’t stand it. Just because I don’t have any issues with my body so I can lift things, and I do anything to please anyone there, does not mean you take advantage of that. It’s called being PROFESSIONAL and DOING YOUR JOB. You should fucking try it some time bitch.
After work Tori and I went to the old high school to watch the fall choir concert. It was amazing. I miss it all so much. I miss the feeling of being on stage, singing with so many other people and feeling the rush of perfection course through my body. I miss it so much… And I definitely miss Mr. Vermillion a lot too. It was so good to see him. Tori and I went to the bar after the concert with Noah to talk to Ken and meet his new lady friend. She’s really nice.
Now I’m just sitting in my bed. Thinking.
Friday is my daddy’s birthday, so I will be staying here that night.
Then Saturday Trevor wants to go on a nature walk, so we’ll be going to either Spencer park or Rock Cut in the morning so we can enjoy the daylight and talk. I’ve known him for YEARS and I have never really gotten to know him or anything. He’s a cool dude.
Saturday night, depending on whether he wants me to or not, I’m possibly staying with John. It’s all on him though. He hasn’t seemed like he wants much to do with me lately, so he has to say if he wants to see me. I want to see him, but I’m not going to push my way in. I don’t want to…
And then. God I just don’t even know. My depression is kicking in full force this week, and I’m just low. So low.
A little bit of red and I’ll land among stars…
<3CaseyRenee<3