This can’t be real…
I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been reading through my entries from the very beginning. I am still not even half through.
The week doesn’t matter. Nothing really important happened.
Tonight has been horrible.
Tori and I were driving around town. We stopped by Jake’s house to kick it and talk to him for a while. Then decided we wanted to go to Panera for some dinner.
We were driving, and I don’t even know what happened. She looked away for one second and when I looked up all I saw was a red light and Tori wasn’t slowing down and before she even had the chance to stop, we slammed into another car.
It was the scariest thing in the world. We pulled off to the side street we were by. Cops came. Firemen came. EMT’s came. Everyone came. Tori had an anxiety attack and an asthma attack. She just kept saying "I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry." over and over again. I couldn’t even help. She told them her head hurt. And they told her she’d have to go to the hospital.
I was going to go with her. She ASKED ME to go with her. But when momma came to the scene and I told her I was going with her she said "NO. You are not. She was talking to you and she fucked up and didn’t see a red light she’s fucking done." And walked away.
I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think of what to do. So I went back to Jake’s. I told him what happened. He just let me sit there and tried to remind me that no one was hurt. We were both okay. It could’ve been worse. This that and the other. I couldn’t care about a word of it. I didn’t know if my best friend was okay, and I was so scared. I couldn’t stop shaking…
He walked me home a little bit ago. Mom hugged me. Said she was glad I was okay. Asked me what happened. All that fun stuff.
I called Tori. She said she has a concussion and spinal sprain or something. I feel so horrible… If I hadn’t been in the fucking car… I just want to see her and hug her and tell her how happy I am that she’s alive and that I love her… I just want to be with my best friend.
John. He’s worried. I know he is. He called me and talked to me for a bit because his phone was dying. Then I started crying so I got off the phone… I miss him. I need him. I just want to be in his arms.
My head hurts now. My neck hurts. My back hurts. I just hurt. Now that the adrenaline has passed… I don’t even know.
I’m gonna go…
<3CaseyRenee<3