P!nk

When I need to get my ass in gear, I have Alexa play my p!nk radio station. I was up too early this morning, and sitting there watching tv was making me sleepy despite the coffee. It’s gonna be a 2-pot day, I think.

My appointment with brent is at 4:45, just an odd enough time to make the day drag out. I’ll do group this morning, then Janie and I are going to hang out here until I meet Brent, basically from 2 on.  The alternative is to go to night group early, which would be fine because brent’s leading group, and I could avoid taco Tuesday, but I kinda want to be home tonight, and that means dragging Mom out at 9 pm to get me home.

So much of my current issue lies in my past, and some of the things that shaped me into who I am today. Lol that’s a pretty “duh” statement. It’s just a very specific situation now, that circles back directly to a piece of my past that opened the door and my addiction came bursting out full-force. It’s the one defining moment in my life where I can solidly point and say, that was the beginning of the end of my innocence. And I’m angry, I’m resentful for having to deal with that AGAIN from yet another angle. God, it pisses me off. And it hurts.

And im struggling with just dealing with those things and letting them go so I can find some peace. I’m doing good at talking my way around logically, but I’m hoping Brent can show me the direction to deal with the emotions.

Fucking fuck, lol. So irritable.

Sometimes life’s so much cooler when you just don’t know any better, and all the painful lessons have not hammered your head open yet. -Anthony Kiedis