Demons and tears

 Amy,

Today has been a horrible day for me.I just feel so depressed.I cut again and showed it tomy mom, whivch made her feel bad and i felt so shameful. I dont ever want to let her in again. I dont want to put her through pain again. I felt so miserable i had toleaave te house a lil bit, I found myself at starbucks crying.jimmy joined and he just ignored my pain. He just doesnt want to acknowlege it. That made me feel so low bc it continues that no one wants to hear what im going through. I feel like im suffering alone. My therapist was sort of helpful but going and talking to her today just triggered the depression. Its just that i feel the pull of the darkness and a part me doesnt want fig wht it again. I dont want to continue on this cycle. FUCK YOU BIPOLAR!!! This wasnt a choice! im a mess,no wonder no one can ever love me.Idont want anyone to gothrough this. Its such a horror, yet if you have never been consumed in thepit of darkness you can never understand it. Its not just depression, its losing hope and faith but feeling you have no desire to live. Suicide isa constant thought.And that is one terrifying image.ijust my life back. I want to feel content. not even happy just stable, just ok. Goodnite,Amy.