Life on hold

Amy,

Ever had that feeling when everyone else life seems to be going somewhere but yours isnt? I feel like that right now. I feel the darkness of my past creeping up, reversing the progress that i have made to the point where I am stuck, paused, on hold whatever i can call it. Its a frustrating feeling, an emptiness so big nothing seems to fill it. Not love, passion, happiness, pain or melancholy…nothing. And honestly thats the scary thing. What am i becoming and why?

Its a struggle to get up in the morning and be positive. Its a constant war in my mind, where my emotions lead my decision and I like a puppet just follow without question. Yet even though all this is going on, I am not unfamiliar with this…yet i feel that by now I should have let go or found an outcome. I just hate this feeling, I hate being this way and there is no one but myself that can make it better, but how do I?

I call myself crazy but that word is so mundane to me. Its so boring that it cant describe me. The hilarious thing of all this is that I am going through all these obstacles and I am a pysch major!!! Only psych majors do this to themselves…

how do I press the start button on my life when I cant find the remote control?