However

It’s been an interesting week.  I thought I would be laying in bed bored and wishing I could leave but the combination of pain killers and trying to be active while recovering has kept me occupied.  I don’t remember much about Monday.  I recall getting to the clinic and checking in and signing a bunch of papers.  Then laying in a bed while the IV was inserted and then saying good bye to Guy and Megan.  I have brief flashes of memories from Monday evening but the pain killers kept me from really being coherent or aware of my surroundings.  

Tuesday morning I woke with some discomfort but was eager to get a look at myself.  Not easy with bandages and a catheter.  I finally decided it would have to wait.  By Tuesday afternoon I was at least attempting to get up and walk around.  Still attached to several bags, it was a bit of a challenge.

Wednesday the catheter came out, not a fun sensation at all, and I attempted to use the bathroom.  Everything was sore and painful and horrible, but I was able to urinate and that was a good sign.  I thought I would really feel like something was missing down there, but I didn’t.  Probably because there was enough pain to get my mind off of it.  I did recall that sitting to pee without a penis for the first time was interesting.  

Being dilated is not fun, but necessary.  The purpose, of course, it to prevent the body from healing the vagina shut.  Not having a penis is the huge objective of the surgery, but having a properly functioning vagina is pretty important too.  I essentially have had a dildo inside of me since the surgery and I know it’s important that it stay there for a while longer, I don’t particularly enjoy having a sex toy inside of me that is giving me no pleasure.  

I’m on schedule to leave here on Monday, but that could change.  They are keeping very close eye on me and that’s a good thing.  Although it’s a little awkward to have so much focus on the part of my body that should be the most private.  

Guy and Megan have been here since Monday morning.  My moms visited on Tuesday and Wednesday.  My Dad and Susan will be here tomorrow.  I’m glad I have the support of family, but I admit that part of me wants to be left alone right now.  I don’t have much dignity.  

I do, however, have a vagina.  And that makes me very happy.