Whenever I can

I was in Miami last weekend to run the marathon with my sister.  It was my first marathon and not exactly a lot of fun, but I’m glad I did it.  26 miles is too much, even though I consider myself a serious runner.  I finished with a 3:55.  My sister made it in 3:10, which just seems impossible to me.  She’s in pretty amazing shape and I’m definitely jealous.  She also runs and swims everyday which is a huge time commitment that I just don’t think I can make.  I’m happy to run 3-4 times a week and swim whenever I can.

The first night I was there, after I had gone to bed, Megan came into the room and asked if she could sleep with me.  I, of course, thought that was a little weird.  She went on to admit that she and Lauren haven’t been sleeping together for a while now and that she had been using the guest room.  Oh. Apparently they are trying to work through their problems, which I guess is a good thing, but in the meantime they have been sleeping separately.  After the race, Lauren was full of congratulations for my sister, they held each other for a long time, kissed, and it made me hopeful to see that they do seem to be trying to work on whatever the problem is.  In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact that they weren’t sleeping together, I wouldn’t have known there was a problem.

My surgery is in a little more than two months and Megan has already told me she will spend my recovery with me.  Part of me feels like that might not be a good idea if it means being apart from her wife.  I don’t want to feel like I’m contributing to the problem.  And I have a husband now who will be there while I recover.  I love her and appreciate her willingness to help, but I want her marriage to work too.

I haven’t really written much since the wedding, but things are going really well.  I love my husband and am so happy to be committed to him.  I know it shouldn’t feel like much has changed since we were already living together and committed to each other, but I love crawling into bed with him each night as his wife.  I’m sure that won’t feel so special after the newness of it wears off, but for now I’m really loving it.  

I am eager to get the surgery over with next.  I feel 100% female, and I have felt that way for years now, but I really want to have a vagina to complete me.  Whenever I see my penis I am uncomfortable with it and I don’t want it there.  

I didn’t mention in my last entry that Jayson proposed to Cindy at my wedding.  Everyone knew it was going to happen, but it was still fun to witness it.  Jayson had asked virtually everyone in the family our opinion on whether or not he should propose, so it was hardly a secret.  Guy helped him pick out the ring.  A couple weeks before the wedding, Cindy asked me if Jayson was planning on proposing and I said yes.  Maybe that ruined it, but I’m not a good liar and I decided to not even try.

They haven’t set a date yet and I’ve heard them say they are in no real hurry.  They have two kids to raise and Cindy is a stay-at-home mom and I think they have more important things to deal with than planning a wedding right now.

I’m sure there’s much more that I need to update, but Guy is taking me to a movie and I need to get ready to go.  I’ll end with a photo from my honeymoon.