Stuck together

Thanksgiving lunch with my dad and Susan was fine.  I really just wanted to get it over with so Guy and I could leave on our trip.  Megan stayed in Florida this year, so it was just the seven of us.  The seventh person being the baby, who didn’t eat much.  My mom and Cheryl went to a nudist place out in CA.  It has become the tradition in our family for Thanksgiving to be with my father because my mom always goes away somewhere.  

After we ate, I was helping Susan clean up and Jayson came up to me and asked if we could talk.  A million things ran through my mind.  Is he finally leaving Cindy?  Or is he going to ask me hard questions about he faithfulness to him that I won’t know how to answer?  I’ve recently started to really see Jayson as someone who’s in constant internal turmoil.  I see him as a proud father who wants to be able to be with Cindy and raise their children, but also someone who deep-down is really worried that Cindy isn’t the settling-down type.  I think we all worry that.  I am probably the person Cindy most confides in, and even still I’m not convinced that she’s committed to Jayson.

So we go into the other room and I’m trying not to look uncomfortable.  Then he surprises me with something I wasn’t expecting.  He tells me he is pretty sure that Cindy is still smoking and he knows that’s bad for the unborn baby (as well as bad for Cindy) and he wants me to talk to her about it.  My first thought is: why me?  But I know the answer.  Cindy and I are alone together 5 or 6 nights a week and we have spent a lot of time hanging out just the two of us.  The truth is she and I have become extremely close over the last year or so, mostly by default because we’re stuck together.  Weird that I’ve never gotten the impression she was still smoking.  But I promised I’d talk to her and he seemed grateful.

Before we left my dad and Susan asked us about how our wedding plans are progressing.  They are paying for a lot of it, after all.  Unfortunately I had to tell them there hasn’t been much progress.  As was suggest in my notes recently, we are actually now thinking about maybe having my surgery before the wedding.  It’s not so much that I wast to postpone the wedding.  I’m definitely not having second thoughts or anything like that. I’m just really ready to have my surgery, and that’s the focus of my attention right now.  It would also be really nice to have a vagina on my wedding day.

We stopped at home to change clothes and get our bags and then continued down to Provincetown.  Guy got us a place at an inn that we had previously admired on other trips out there.  The room was gorgeous and it had a nice view, a fireplace, and a hot tub.  Within moments of arriving, we were peeling off each other’s clothes and trying out the bed.  We have so little alone-time just the two of us at home that trips like this become all about sex.  I’m not complaining.

We had a wonderful relaxing few days out there.  I was sad to see it end.  I’m also feeling a lot more accepted as a woman lately.  Not sure if that makes sense.  I’ve been comfortable with being a woman for years now, but I sometimes worry that when people see me, they don’t see a woman, they see a transgirl.  It’s a small distinction.  And, of course, I AM a transgirl.  But I would like to be thought of as a woman first.