Accentuate my lack

I got home yesterday evening from the pool and walked inside to sounds of sex.  It started as slighting moaning and then progressively got louder.  I ignored it for the most part.  My sister and Jayson have ever right to have loud sex, and they probably just didn’t realized I had gotten home.  My sister has very little shame about things like that, but I almost never hear them and I presume it’s because they are either quiet about it or they wait until no one is home.  I was standing in the kitchen, thinking about what to make for dinner, when I heard him make several long grunts and then it became silent.  Under different circumstances it might have been sexy. 

I was washing dishes about ten minutes later when my sister walked into the kitchen naked.  She was startled to see me and commented that she didn’t realized I was home.  My guess had been correct!  I gave her a knowing smile and she just laughed it off.  She told me she was going to take a shower and then she’d come back and help me make dinner.  

She came back about 3 minutes later and told me that Jayson was going to be home and he could watch the baby so she and I could go out somewhere.  I’m not sure why that seemed like such a great idea, but it did.  I enthusiastically agreed.  I haven’t had much of a social life lately and mostly I really just wanted an evening away from the baby.  Nothing against her, but it wasn’t my idea to bring her into my life, and sometimes I desperately wish she would go away.  Other times, though, I think she’s an amazing addition to our family and I’m moved to tears that someone as fucked up as my sister could bring something so beautiful into the world.

After my sister showered, I took one too.  Part of me wishes I could just be comfortable showering in the locker room at the pool, but not yet.  Maybe someday.  It was a cooler evening, so I put on jeans and and a black silky top.  My sister comes out with this blue and white dress on.  Kind of a cute springtime pattern that makes me wish I could pull of dresses more easily.  Some of them look fine on me, but many of them don’t.  It all depends on how much they accentuate my lack of curves at my waist or if they cling too much so that I can’t hide having a penis.

We went to dinner at Ashmont Grill.  I’d gone there once before with Guy using a Groupon and we decided we’d liked it enough to pay full price.  Usually that doesn’t happen with Groupons.  Usually we finish the meal and say, "That was good,  but it definitely wouldn’t be worth what it would have cost without the Groupon.

While eating dinner, we talked about what else we wanted to do.  We decided to walk Newbury Street.  Most of the stuff there is out of our price range, but it’s a nice place to windowshop and people-watch, even if we can’t afford to buy anything.  While we shopped Cindy talked to me about her sex life with Jayson, and I pretended to not be disgusted.  She told me that she hasn’t been with anyone else for more than a year, and I admit that surprised me.  I had always suspected she was still cheating on him, but had just gotten better about hiding it.

We went into a place called Shop344 and she bought a $50 bikini which is actually really cute and it made me wish I could wear things like that.  I complimented her on feeling comfortable in a bikini after giving birth not too long ago and she seemed happy that I said that.  I’m not good with compliments and it makes me feel good when I say something like that and it seems to be appreciated.  Makes me feel like I’m saying the right things.

We went to a coffeeshop that we both like and got some dessert.  We sat outside and Cindy smoked.  She’s very good about not smoking around the baby, but when she’s away from the baby there’s no stopping her.  I have decided I will not give her a hard time about it, but I am always secretly wishing she will stop.  We got several dirty looks from people who had to smell her smoke.  That’s typical of the Newbury Street crowd.

All said, it was a fun night. I’m really just looking forward to July 13th when Guy and I go on our vacation.  It’s about all I can think about lately.  I’m strangely obsessing about it.  Already thinking about what I will pack and things like that.  Not sure why I’m so excited about it, but I am.