Dictionary

i am too nervous
to send a text message to a girl
the last in this series of ascii courtships
the denouement, the coup de grace
the one that will instigate the
pas de deux

she approached me, in the first place
without my asking
she has used smiley faces

i type the word “pathetic”
into the google search engine, and
my eyes fixate on the second definition
of the word

Miserably inadequate.

how dare the dictionary call me
miserably inadequate, this
book! and yet i cannot help
but titter: utter a short, half-suppressed laugh

it seems too on the nose, too perfect
and i tell my friend,
because i have these kinds of friends,
that google’s second definition for pathetic
is cracking my shit big ups

he tells me, i bet someone had fun
writing that second definition for pathetic

and it occurs to me that i never really thought of it
before, but these definitions gotta come from somewhere,
right? it’s
not just like the
periodic table of elements or
a units of measurement conversion table,
anything you’d find printed onto the little insert
in the back of your mead five-star notebook planner

words are fluid, and there’s not just one dictionary out there
someone has to write them!

so i imagine a few old dorks
with a list of words in front of them, moving down
day by day, coming to a consensus on each one

folderol: trivial or nonsensical fuss
“yes, that seems about right.”
turdiform: of, or relating to or resembling a bird of the family
Turdidae
absquatulate: to leave abruptly
vomitory:
two definitions, first denoting the entrance or exit passages
in a theater or ampitheater
second, relating to or inducing vomiting
synonym vomitive

and then they get to pathetic

instead of giving her a place or time
i flip through a dictionary
being everyone i ever needed myself to be
Pleasantly inadequate.

i tell my friend,
maybe you should write the text message,
like having a friend ask a girl to prom for you
he e-mails me back this reply

listen girl
my pal here is just too overcome by his own innate ineffectiveness
and years of being mashed into a fine paste by the world to be able
to interact with you in any kind of fashion
so i am just gonna lay it out there for you
would you like to get railed by him
while he films it
for my benefit

i send the text message