Happiness and linen pants

It is probably a coincidence, but I came across this article last night almost concurrently with my perpetual consideration of the question: what makes me happy? What’s happiness anyway? I’ve struggled with it for the last several months especially as I imagine all people do during times of duress. When compared to the timespan of the lives of the men addressed in the study discussed in the article, where “three kids and two divorces” are reduced to quaint potpourri in the overarching pulse of a man’s life, my situation seems more temporal, but not less important.

I have started reading again, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, on too many suggestions, and have resumed keeping my writing notepad, which I used to never leave home without then casually distanced myself from. I’ve decided to purchase a bike when I get to Japan, started implementing journaling software onto my own website, and really started to consider what ties me to Who I Am and the hobbies and interests and comforts I’ve always had.

Video gaming is a huge one, because it is a core part of me and has been with me forever–in many senses it even allows me to continue another creative pursuit which is the editing and writing that I do for N-Sider. But these activities don’t necessarily “fulfill” me. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished too much after spending an afternoon with a video game, though it is relaxing and entertaining. Is relaxation worthwhile, even if there is no end product? I am allowing myself to remain open to the idea.

Instruments are another thing. I played the sax for ten years and it really filled a hole in me: honor bands, jazz band, an all-state symphony/orchestra, and then I switched to guitar when I left for college because it would be quieter. It never really resonated with me and even though I finally sent it back to Iowa for my dad I find myself missing the option to pick it up and fiddle around. I’ve had to turn to those rhythm-based video games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band almost solely to allow my urges for tempo and rhythm to fire, and have become quite proficient at the 3-drum 2-cymbal 1-kickpedal plastic drums (they tell me they’re a pretty close approximation of the skills actually necessary to do some drumming). But it’s never the same, there is no end product just like I mentioned before, just the elimination of time, the enjoyment of current pleasures. I have been considering new instruments and I think because of the bulk of drums I am considering taking up piano again, after having a brief year-long stint with it in high school. She told me I had such great fingers for it, which is never something I am displeased to hear in any arena. It seems to be a perfect fit with my soon-to-be minimalistic lifestyle, in its variety of electronic incarnations, and can even interface with my PC which will allow me to explore the mixing and looping elements that I’ve been wanting to play with more in-depth for so long. But again, like so many other things, it has become not a question of if but when–and when is months from now.

What makes normal people happy? The newest episode of Dancing With The Stars? The article I mentioned at one point offers an idea from the man who has followed longitudinally the men in the study for five-dozen years in an effort to determine what causes happiness, and he says perfectly matter-of-factly when asked what he’s learned from the studied men, “That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”

This is not something I have not suspected, but is unsettling news to a man who is becoming more gifted with and appreciative of social situations yet inside will always be an introvert. Will nothing personal really cause happiness?

Of note is the study-conductor’s own life, peppered with divorce, three wives (one of which was left for the third, then returned to), and his own neuroses. What kind of man studies five-hundred others in an attempt to discern what causes a happy life? Is it the scientific analysis of the binary results of life, emotion and nuance and wonder removed, that creates happiness and meaning? Surely, I don’t even need to answer that.

I want to ride my bike in the Japanese countryside in the fall wearing linen pants, then stop for a cigarette by the side of a dirt road. When I get back home I’ll play music with the breeze pushing in. Isn’t it romantic?

I think that could make me happy.