Devastated

I feel sick….maybe it’s lack of sleep. 

Right now I’m crippled.  The pain is unbearable.  I feel nauseous.  I’m shaking.  I don’t know where I went wrong and I want to make it right but I can’t it seems.  The decisions are all out of my hands.  I try to say things and none of them are taken correctly, I try to do them and they go all wrong.  I want to say everything on my mind but everything I say is just destroyed…it’s all pointless.  At least..to them.

I thought I was striking out and so I said it…cuz I had to.  I fight.  Im not going quietly into the night because I have trust issues too god damn it.  And I’m not a liar.  I have lied.  But I didnt lie about everything…fucking….

There is no point to me or this anymore.  I will never stop loving her.  I can’t take anymore…I have to get out of here…