I’m The Next Evolutionary Step Towards Vampirism

Ok.  Now I’m not a vamp or a goth.  I have nothing against them, my oldest brother is one (for the most part.)  I guess I just never understood that sort of lifestyle…really I don’t understand most lifestyles generally too far outside the norm, not because I dont’ think they’re good lifestyles, logical lifestyles, or even interesting expressions of inner self.  I generally don’t understand them because everyone in the world knows/thinks/believes/has been told that they are strange lifestyles, and the majority of people agree and are too judgmental, insecure about their own personalites, and sometimes just downright arrogant to allow such lifestyles peace. 

Where am I going with this original thought?  I was watching the Surreal Life as I was flipping through the channels and the current season has a transsexual on it.  Transsexuality is fine.  I am not attracted to them, nor do I want to be one, but everyone in my opinion is entitled to choose their own life.  But when you choose your own life, you must accept the consequences, same as anything.  One can hope that no one will judge you, ridicule you, or hurt you for choosing to be societally "strange," but if the world is not that way going into it and you don’t advocate your ass off to make it so, you have no more right to be nasty to the normal people than the normal people are to be nasty to you.  And thus I will not forgive a person and think them any better than the jocks if their natural reaction to be called a freak (which by denotation they are, though connotation not) is to hurl insults back and try and fight.  I will sympathize with those who cry about it, we are all hurt at times by the way the world is, but cry too much and I don’t care anymore.  It’s a fine line of tolerance for me, because I believe we have to be as tolerant of the norm as of the strange, it’s true. 

Add to this overly complex layer cake of mental and emotional characterization (by that I mean my personality, but I feel long-winded today) that I generally actually do tend to start off with a slight disfavor towards a large number of under 20 something goths, punks, etc…not because I don’t like their lifestyle, but because I feel more and more that the norm is straying into the strange, and people are doing it less because that’s who they are, and more because that’s who they think is cool.  Which is sad, because neither of those are even who they want to be, which is what everyone should strive for…generally.  The world is just too damn complex.  Judge, don’t judge, in the end the answers become so convaluted you have to ask yourself if you end up back at the beginning or if there is no end at all.  Either way it seems relatively bleak to me.

I’m on a tangent right now, but I’m bored and I feel this is important to say.  There are many unfair things that happen to people in their lives.  I sympathize to an extent.  I sympathize a cry now and then, disillusionment, and any damage to one’s personality suffered by being who they are and being ridiculed or insulted for it.   I can’t sympathize forever, however, since if you are ridiculed for being who you are, there are only three real choices: 1) do nothing 2) change 3) change others.  The third could be considered both the most admirable or the most ridiculous, since by changing others your intent is to make the world better, but also by changing others your demanding of them to be other than they are, and if they dont’ want to be, then they really shouldn’t.  Changing yourself and doing nothing I think are actually better choices.  If you change yourself, you have to want it, and you still can’t expect everything to be perfect….and you also can’t hold it against others that you changed.  In the end, you let yourself.  If you do nothing, you must tolerate the insults and the ridicule, you can’t complain since you already know what you’re getting into…but I think this is still the best if who you are is who you want to be.  Why do I say this?  Why not try and change people?  Because I believe that changing people is lazy….I think making them turn towards your beliefs, while seemingly active, is one of those "shortcuts" to relaxation.  Work hard now, relax later…rather than work pretty hard all your life….well, maybe not in the case of growing tolerance.  I also think that it is not our job to make other people better, but to simply try and make ourselves better people. 

This tears me up about being a writer, since the major focus of art is to try and make a statement that alters people, and in effect, my personal philosophy destroys philosophy itself, since to speak about one’s opinons, while needing to be accepted by all in a perfect world, is negated when that world is reached since no one aims to better anyone but themselves….wow.  I wish I was still high, but I don’t know anyone who is intelligent enough to wrap their mind around it who also smokes pot with me.  *Sigh*

Anyway, I digress.  The whole point is that I think I’m developing allergies, I get sunsick very easily, and I think I might be turning into a vampire.  I love resting in the day, I’m strong and vibrant at night, I’m pale and dark-haired, the sun weakens me, though I like looking at it…I have a mysterious charm that draws all the ladies…generally I leave marks on their necks after I pay a "visit" to them…etc etc etc.

Oh, and I like the taste of blood and drinking it warm from the human throat.  Oh wait…haha…I mean….no I don’t…WHO would like that?  Haha.  Ha. 

Ha.