What It’s All About

THIS ENTRY IS IN TWO PARTS, I WISH IT WAS BUT ONE…BUT HOLD THE FIRST PORTION’S THOUGHT…..FOR ALL THESE THINGS ARE TIED TOGETHER IN THEIR OWN WAY.

Everyone asks what it’s all about….

So I went and saw Kill Bill today.  It was by far one of the most amazing movies I had ever seen in my life.  Tarantino has this skill at creating something so unique, original, and excellent that I sometimes wonder if I could ever live up to the standards he sets.  His greatest asset, of course, is his abililty to acknowledge that we are watching a movie and not reality, and he does this through witty dialogue, moments where he sort of winks at us within the movie, and interludes and creative movements that allow us to understand that this is NOT reality.  And for this we can forgive him for his exaggerations and even appreciate the fact that what he’s trying to create is an idealized, pop cultured, stylized story that is compelling and unique. 

What’s it going to be? 

But In the end, there aren’t really any answers.

I would highly recommend that you go see this movie.  It has a LOT of gore, but that’s all right, because most of it isn’t all that realistic.  It has exceptional performances from Lucy Liu, Darryl Hannah, Uma Thurman, and of course, Sonny Chiba who is by far the greatest actor in the movie and so incredibly powerful in his scenes.  This movie has such powerful silence and skilled acting, that one almost forgets that they are watching a simple revenge-action movie.  And yet, I think the genius is that the movie is not trying to convalute its plot with moral labors and deep psychoses, because if someone got fucked like Uma did, they’d go off and fucking kill without mercy as well. 

Sometimes life moves slow,

And other times it goes by in a blink,

Yet we have no control nor guide for our path….

It’s dragging on now.  Life.  I feel like writing scripts and screenplays so badly, but I can’t make myself do it because I don’t feel right inside.  I need love again.  I’ve begun to feel the lack of touch that is associated with any warmth or goodness.  Friendship is wonderful and lots of people, including me, can and have endured a great long time without having someone there to call their own or say they belong to….but now I need it.  I don’t feel anymore like I have a justification to living, not that I’ll end my life with so much left undone, so many left to love, so little love felt put upon me-

Instead we roam like beggars upon the city streets,

The slums call out, but our better senses know

That walking down that way is to waltz into our very graves,

For asylums, cemetaries, and slums all but lock away their secret shames.

Now I must say these words, and I won’t stop them anymore.  I think I’m finally building myself up to where I wish I’ve always been.  I think I’m finally gaining enough to strength to do the things I swear I’ll do when I wake in the morning, but instead, sometime in the night the dreams and convictions fade.  Well no more.  Now I’ve gotta say what I want…..or at least as much as I can now…and then I’ll build from there…..

I am a secret shame, and have the same within me,

So I’m a slum all to myself, or perhaps a cemetary,

And yet for all locked up inside, I feel so sick and empty,

Perhaps the life I thought I’d lived is nothing but a dream,

And all the things I wished I’d done are hapless, helpless schemes.