Love’s Wond’rous Lance

I have begun to reflect on a great many things about love and what I want from love. There is not much that I desire anymore now that I realize that my greatest moments of passion will be in telling someone how much I love them and kissing them and caressing them and not doing the thing that only seems to turn out ugly. One day when I get married and I try to have kids, I have a feeling that will be beautiful, no need for a condom and a bit more chance to move through the motions fluently without problematic points of rest to prepare the tools.

As for love, I wonder what it has in store for me. I already know that I can’t ever date Nancy again, and I’m sorry Nancy. I really am. The fact of the matter is that most women end up sacrificing their dreams or their desires to follow some man that they love. And that’s not right. There are others just like me who have dreams just like yours who will find you. And I understand that is the way those girls who have turned me down feel.

To be honest, love is my oxygen as well. I am always in love with someone…usually more than one because I’m not the kind to believe that that is betrayal. In fact, I believe truly that love spans a great many people and the one you end up with is the one you love the most. Love is not a singular entity with a certain amount of power. It has its degrees and there are no quotas for how many fit into their brackets. Usually it is my potential love bracket that is overstocked….but that’s the way it goes, right?

I also have a great deal of trouble dealing with trying to read signals of interest. I never know anymore. There have been those in the past who have dated me as a joke, those who have turned me down who actually liked me, those who have never even told me how much they cared, those who felt more than actually was there….and so on and so on. I thought I was always good at reading signals and reading people, and almost always I’m right….except with this. There are so many duck-and-cover tactics that seem to spin me around. I guess I’ll never really know…..

The fact is, that right now I’ve found that there really is a great list of girls that I would like to date and get to know better, in a romantic way. See, it’s interesting, but all the girls I have ever dated made the first major moves…..none of them have ever been the ones that I have liked from afar and wrote poems and dreamed about or thought about and then asked out and they said ‘yes.’ Those ones always turn me down. I firmly believe that there may be something to it, good or bad I’m not sure.

I just wish that the love I felt for those girls could be felt by them towards me. It would be wonderful to have any girl I wanted….and I don’t think I would abuse that privilege. I know that I don’t keep girlfriends long, but usually that’s because I end up with girls who don’t trust me or don’t have any self-confidence or don’t feel the same passion I feel for them. Rachel had that passion, and I think that’s why she’s the only one I sometimes think about asking out again. It’s funny that I love Rachel a lot and she loves me, and yet most people don’t like her at all….probably because she’s so shy….I don’t know.

I think this poem I’m about to write will sum up everything…let’s find out:

~~I love you like the sun,

I long to feel your warmth wrap around my skin,

And heat me both outside and in,

And in the cold I do not think of snow,

But remember the way I felt before

The clouds hid you from my view,

And when you return I look up,

Though I know the light you shine

Shall burn my eyes and make me blind,

I cannot pull my eyes from you,

For you are the brilliance that lights my life,

And if I am to be without you,

Then I shall blind myself by staring from afar

I shall not be guided from the light of another star,

For you are my true love.

And while I see the other stars,

And sometimes wish upon them and spend the time

Talking, watching, and passing life by,

When you rise into view, all others fade,

And I shall never try to seek the shade.~~

I have to go to State Fair practice. I will write more later.

–The greatest lament that one can ever have is letting love pass by without speaking a word. The greatest crime that one can have done upon them is having an unknown love never discovered….kidnapped from the chance to speak. The greatest tragedy of the world is that these two things happen thousands of times each day.– Anonymous