Succumbing

Have I failed?

There is darkness pushing me into every corner,

Stitching walls around me with needle and thread,

So tight so that I cannot breathe…

I cannot think….

I cannot feel…..I just close my eyes and lose being.

Waves and waves of darkness pouring over me,

Suffocating, pushing me down into the depths,

Into the shadow where I thought I had always been.

Have I failed?

So much has been lost through time,

All the things I never said….

Wishes missed, chances left to rot away…..

So much gone and lost…..

So much that I cannot regain……but is there some left?

A few moments with the golden eyes

To watch over me and make me smile?

Or have I failed?

Have I lost?

The battle raged and I forgot at times

The things that I stood for but never the goal,

I always saw the end in sight but could not reach,

She was all I ever wanted,

She was all I’d ever need….

And to lose her is to lose me..and I cannot let this be.

There is nothing more the world can offer

That I would take after her…..

Have I lost?

They say that I love loving….and not the being,

That I am too young and innocent to understand,

But they are the ones who remain naive,

To feel the things I feel inside,

To feel the hope that is dying……..none can be naive

When they feel the hollow shadow

Creeping through their veins and heart

Driving the blood away with every single second.

There is nothing more.

Only this moment to take back everything I desire,

To say the words I failed to say before,

To reach out for the end as I crawl through the mud,

And I will touch her….

And I will love her…..

And if she shall not love me than there is nothing more.

All is gone and time has truly worn thin in my life,

And the dreams will all be true.

There is nothing more.

You cannot say a word to change my mind and drive me

Back to where I began, my sword swings on,

No expectation shall hold me down, I will fight on….

I am more than what my parents say…

I am more than what God thinks I am….

I am everything that the world desires and needs,

I hold the values of the world and I fight for all

That is good and decent and pure in love…..

So now I stand…

Against the tidal waves of darkness,

I shall break through the froth and rise again

And float where I can see the stars to wish upon them,

No God shall hold me down,

No weight shall hold me down….

For all has changed and shifted, but all remains

The same within, the love, the strength,

Just now it has been found.

So now I stand….

I am not afraid.

I have not failed.

I shall rise again…

Against false expectations,

Against false words,

Nothing shall tear me down,

I shall stand…..

I shall stand…….

There is nothing but to love her.