Dilemma Dan

Oye…oye oye oye.

I don’t know whether to discuss some personal problems on here or not, just in case there are prying eyes, which there may very well be. There are a few people who I know have read this diary and may read that will find this all and that would be not good. Things must remain secret I suppose, though I wish I could vent. We’ll have to wait? No. I’ll take my chances, after all, it may yet prove useful to vent and let me clear my thoughts.

Firstly, the non-controversial thoughts. What should I write next? I have a pretty immoral little thriller that I’d like to write(at least immoral as far as not a whole hell of a lot being preached.) Or should I write something extremely profound with a point? I think I’ll write the first, starting later tonight. The reason I want to is because if you read the Thirteenth Watcher, which I am very proud of, you’ll see that I really am quite preachy in it, not through narrative but through symbolism. There are many hidden meanings within the book and a few little controversial issues that those who might read it may discover…who knows how well I disguised them.

This new story would be quite the same at least in that effect, for there will be morals and some hidden symbolism, but mostly it will be for entertainment value. Full of violence, that is my forte, at least as far as violence in the context of good drama. I mean, too many action movies are void of point, but action should be there for a point. There’s a single point for every battle you see in the Thirteenth Watcher and I hope to do the same in my next story. We’ll see.

Now to problems. Here’s the heavy background: this may take awhile so pull up a chair and get some popcorn.

My first crush was in first grade. Bekah Hinrichs. I thought she was everything I’d ever need. Smart, funny, attractive, independent, strong. Even then I was completely enamored and I was obsessed all the way through elementary and middle school. It was one of those cute little crushes that made me swoon and sigh and write flowery, crappy poetry and take every look she gave my way as sent by God. That was the way I thought of love and what I expected. It was my belief that there was such a thing as fated love, or at least two people who were meant to be together.

After freshman year of High School arrived, I finally gave up on Bekah. I fell for Hilary, that failed. And I swore to myself that if ever I felt such feelings for someone I was closed to, really closed to, I would never tell them, because I was sure that they to would reject me. In fact, had I confessed to the next one I had met, than I am sure that she would have turned me down. But instead, I kept it a secret.

It has been five years since then….five years and I still see her almost every week. You see, Lindsey and I came to the same college, we spent several classes together back in High School, and though I had a few girlfriends during the times, I couldn’t tear myself away from loving her. I am in love with her, and I know I am.

With Stephie, I really cared for her a lot. We didn’t have enough time together to see how far it would go before she dumped me. Katie ticked me off and I never will forgive myself for cold shouldering her, but at the time, it really wasn’t right what she did. Rachel I care for, and I think about her a lot like I think about Lindsey, though not as strong. Everything about Lindsey just gels with me. We both dream of pursuing big, lofty dreams. We want children, we hold a lot of the same ideals, we are perfect for each other. This I’m sure, though I’m not nearly as rich as her exboyfriends(for she is so incredibly attractive you would not believe.)

Now here comes the tough part. Finally, after all this time, I really think she’s sending signals that even I can’t mistake. SHE LIKES ME! Great, right? Absolutely wonderful, huh?

And then we come to Nancy, who I am seeing. Nancy is sweet and she is optimistic and personable and has a great sense of humor and….well she’s great. She’s a bit clingy and naive….but overall, her personality is wonderful. I think I like her personality more than most anyone else(save Lindsey.)