Black

Storm clouds gather at great height,

Beyond the gargoyle’s leer,

Crackling blue blades of light,

Wind along the stratosphere,

The thunder is so far but seems so near,

Yet I remain untouched by fright….

Bystanders run from the rain,

Sheltered within the towering spires,

Hiding from the thought of pain,

But I do not fear the sparking wires,

Nor the searing flames of dying fires,

For this storm and I are the same.

Bound together by invisible sin,

Ingrained in my soul with burning ash,

The scars remain outside and in,

Yet though the actions lie in the past,

They in memory shall always last,

To haunt, to hurt, to burn again.

In a thousand years of hate,

I have been made, born, raised,

In a thousand years of love,

I shall give but to receive forbade,

In a thousand years of life,

I shall return all that was ever given,

So in a thousand years of sorrow,

All shall be wiped from the land of the living.

And blame me for death if you insist,

Blame me for the unending floods,

But the past pain is too great to resist,

All my life I tried the best I could

But still worthless was all my good,

For the killing blade is clenched in my fist,

Blame me for the pain you feel,

The burning within your very heart,

The scars that bleed and never heal,

But I played but a tiny part,

I was the end, others were the start,

Yet their names will never be revealed.

I alone shall cast to them the blame,

For these things I did to mankind,

I shall be the one to call out their name,

Mother for the bitter scorn, to remind

Me of my worthless deeds of heart and mind,

And Father for the constant burning shame.

In a thousand years of hate,

I have been made, born, raised,

In a thousand years of love,

I shall give but to receive forbade,

In a thousand years of life,

I shall return all that was ever given,

So in a thousand years of sorrow,

All shall be wiped from the land of the living.

Yet still the day is yet to come,

The storm has not begun to roar,

My soul, despite all the hurt done,

Fights on to spare those I abhor,

To hide myself away forevermore,

The shadow of an unwanted son.

I shall spend my time away,

From this world so that you may smile,

I’ll pass my lonely time each day,

Engraving my epitaph and hiding the vile

Soul within me, the hurt all the while

Breaking loose but I shall make it stay.

And when I pass the storm will break,

None will have paid for the pain,

That put my very soul at stake,

And all will forget my very name,

My epitaph nothing but the wind’s refrain,

That can only be heard just as you wake.

In a thousand years of hate,

I have been made, born, raised,

In a thousand years of love,

I shall give but to receive forbade,

In a thousand years of life,

I shall return all that was never given,

So in a thousand years of sorrow,

I alone shall be wiped from the land of the living.

And you won’t hear me whisper,

And you won’t hear me scream,

Except when you in your silent safety,

Risk the chance to dream.

I am so tired right now. So completely exhausted that I can’t even begin to talk, but I’m going to try because I need to say something. Life has not been going well for me, NOTHING has been going well for me. I struggle day to day to just keep on living without killing myself or getting myself killed. And I’m failing fast. All I asked from this world is a little love, nothing spectacular, not some undying thing, I’d give anything to have a terrible relationship with a few moments highlight, but I don’t even get that. You want to know something that just drives me insane, I sit around and am taken for granted and it’s about time somebody paid. I keep trying and trying to be a good person and forget the hurt and the pain and the suffering, but they don’t stop heaping it on. You know, all I did was ask Greg if he wanted to go to a movie, and so I came on here cuz we had time and I started typing, and he got angry cuz I wasn’t done. So he went and told Dad, who instead of asking what I was doing, instead of allowing me to talk back and explain(because I was responding to UWRF email)he immediately told me that I had to get off because Greg wanted the phone and it’s not Greg’s fault I’ve been spending the entire day doing nothing but pointless shit on various computers. Writing….he called my writing pointless, worthless, shit…and guess where Greg is now…at the movies. He went without me, because he was so angry….what a mature little fuck that bastard is. OHhhhh…he has no idea what’s in store for him anymore…..no one does. I’m tired of getting fucked over, I’m soooo sick you have no idea. The world should be glad that supernatural powers aren’t real, cuz if anyone would have em, it’s me…cuz my rage is putting me on some other level…….I just want to put my fist through something and no one….no one’s going to fuck with me for a LONG time…..I’m going to make sure of that…..because no one should ever be made to feel this worthless and cheated.