Thoughts and a Bad Poem

I close the door,

Alone at midnight like always,

The fools and villains outside,

The friends and loves as well,

Loneliness and music my hell.

In the silence I sit,

While the music plays on,

Happy songs and loving ballads,

True tears brought by their melodies,

For I cannot share their revelries.

I’m left with my mind,

Longing for love, for friends,

To share a single night of confession,

For writing just can’t feel,

For writing never is as real.

And the song loops again,

It speaks of friends who have died,

Who made the singer’s life so great,

And how he missed the single chance,

To thank them for all they did in advance.

And another one picks up,

About a single night to share true love,

For the world’s of lovers never meet,

Not for long at least or so they say,

Though I agree that love goes that way.

And I wish to know what they mean,

Not just in words but in heart,

For I’ve never had such a wonderful love,

Nor had sound faith in friends,

For I’ve never had one on which to depend.

And I cry alone on nights like this,

Because the world is just too grand,

Because the beauty’s beyond our eyes,

And I wish I could share what I see,

With all those who I love so truly.

And I don’t always say I love them,

For it’s an awkward thing to say,

But I do care and want you all to know,

That I’m here and will always be,

I’ll lay everything down when you need me.

But for now I wait,

Soft music buzzing in my head,

Love and joy inside and sadness too,

All mixing together in a confusing swirl,

And that’s the way of my little world.

It’s not a good poem at all…..not rhythmic and terribly simple….but I just have been really thinking lately about myself and my thoughts. And I am alone and it does bother me a lot, I”m sure a lot more than other people because it’s just the way I am, I crave love with all my heart to the point that when I’m lonely I feel an actual pain in my heart. I crave love and friendship, and I would do anything for my friends and that’s why I’m always in such deepshit, because I am the friend of just about everyone I know, though very few think of me as their friend. I’m in deepshit because they are MY friends but I’m not theirs, so they shit on me and I take it and take it and they see me as a perfect person to dump on all the time….and it doesn’t even bother me anymore….because I love them so much….it’s a weird word to use in this situation, but I do….because I can’t help it. And I just can’t help but love my life because think about how lucky we are to live….and yet I’m sad…..funny huh? I’ve come to realize lately that everyone in the world is insane, because not a single mind is ever the same, not a single mind is a on permanent wavelength and no wavelength or train of thought is any more common than another….we’re all nuts.

Just my thoughts for the night…and I’m not even drunk…;)