sucky suckfest

Hi everyone! I know that I haven’t updated in forever. I have just been dealing with a bunch of stuff and have been busy so I haven’t had time.

Ok, so to recap..

Spring break, was ok. It really wasn’t a break. I was home for 9 days and I worked 8 of them! I needed the money though, so it was ok. I made a bunch of money and got to see my friends from work that I miss a lot. I didn’t see much of anyone else at all.

I had to deal with a really tough family thing. See, I am the oldest cousin living in Buffalo. ( I am the second oldest, the oldest lives in DC). I have my sister and my 2 17 year old cousins. To make a long story short, my cousin tried to kill himself a couple weeks ago. And one day my aunt called me to tell me that he called her crying and was worried, so I had to go over and "babysit" him, just to make sure that he didn’t do anything. Needless to say, he tried again that night after I left. He is still alive. I know that he was taken to the hospital and is seeing a psychiatrist. That is about all I know. I bet you are wondering why he is doing this. Well, its over a girl. He was dating this girl for a while and it was his first steady girlfriend and they broke up and he thinks its the end of the world, so..this is what resulted from that. I don’t think he wants to hurt himself, I just think that he wants her back and he thinks this is the only way to do it. It is just for the attention, but he doesn’t realize that he is hurting more people than himself.

Well anyway, onto another subject.

I bought my wedding dress and put down the deposit for the caterer.  We picked out our invites and out bands. I don’t really want to talk about the wedding. It just makes me stress.

I added 2 more classes to my schedule. An online and a Saturday morning class (8am-12pm). They both are only 8 weeks long.

Josh’s best friend (and well mine too) and the best man in our wedding called today. With not so good news. His dad has intestinal cancer and lymphoma. They have been doing all they can for him over the past couple of years. New treatments and doctors. He called today and told us that they are all out of options. They have done everything they could do for him and his time is going to come soon. As soon as Josh told me, I broke down in tears. I love that whole family! They are amazing. and I can’t believe this is happening. I guess Hospice already came and talked to them. I don’t know exactly what they do, but I know that they are called in at the end. I also think they are there to just make him comfortable and wait. I can’t believe this is happening. I feel so bad for that family. They had hope before with everything they were doing and now all that hope is shattered. I can’t believe that they have to sit at home and just wait for it to happen. That family is a good family. They don’t deserve this. I can’t believe that he won’t be there for the wedding. I can’t believe that I will have to go home within the next couple of weeks to mourn his death. This isn’t happening. I didn’t really know him, but I know his kids and his wife and I love them. I knew him enough to care. That is enough to make me emotional about this situation.

The wedding is driving me bananas. Everyone has their own opinion about it and because it is their opinion it must be right and I have to like it. Especially my mother. She is all for traditional and so am I, in a sense.  She thinks that everything has to be like it was in the ’50’s and I don’t want that. I want her to be a part of it and I want her to help, but every time I disagree with her opinion she gets mad. For example, she picked out a set of invitations that she liked. I took into account her opinion, but Josh and I decided that we liked other ones. And she seemed annoyed because we picked ones that had leaves on them. She seemed annoyed because Fall doesn’t technically start until the end of September, and because we are getting married at the beginning, it is still technically summer so we shouldn’t have invites with leaves on them. I like our invites. It ties in the the whole outdoor-ness of it. I also knew that Josh would like them and I wanted him to pick something that tied him to the wedding too. Josh is an outdoor person, they are perfect. And because my mom knows that Josh is an outdoorsman, she thinks that I didn’t have any say in the matter. When I looked at them with her, I actually picked out those ones as the ones that I liked. Josh was drawn right to them and because of that reason alone is why there were perfect.

Everyone is freaking out about the reception being outside. If we had it somewhere inside, we would be paying $1500 more without tax and service charges. I am worried about it too, but for the past 3 years, there hasn’t been rain. I am looking into places I guess, just to look, but we already put the deposit down for banchettis. So, it would have to be there or at Knights of columbus. Everyone is making me so mad b/c they are waiting too long to tell me what they are thinking. It is about 5 months to the wedding. Do you really think that I can wait any longer? What is going to be open this close to the date we needed it? Why is everyone so concerned now? Why couldn’t they have come to me sooner? I have to start putting deposits down!!! I can’t wait or there isn’t going to be anything.

ugh. this wedding is making me stressed and mad, more than excited. It is horrible. Everyone wants to help and I am thankful for that, but no one is giving Josh and I a substantial amount of money to have any say over what we do for it.

If we are paying for it, we are going to do what we want.

Do you think a 35-40 minute drive is long for the reception? I don’t think so. Everyone is scattered. I am not going to be able to have the reception somewhere where everyone is going to be able to drive 10 minutes. Is that too long for me to ask people to drive? i don’t think so, but apparently my parents do. They are also worried about parking. Josh’s mom and Rick have had bonfires where they had 140 people at their house and they said everything worked out fine. I was thinking about doing a website and putting up detailed info about the reception. Maybe eve say something along the lines of, if you don’t want to drive that far, let me know, maybe I can put you in touch with someone who can carpool. The only downfall is, if one of those people wants to leave, that means that the other has to even if they don’t want to. I mean, I’m sure they could find a ride with someone else, but idk. Do you guys have an suggestions?

I am just stretched so thin on the subject of having it outside. If they didn’t want me to have it outside, or if they were having that many doubts, why didn’t they say something a looonng time ago? why? I’m surprised that didn’t wait until august? What do they want me to do? I have to start doing things and finalizing things. I can’t wait any longer.

any help, words of widsom or hope, advice. Anything. I will take it. I need as much as I can get!!

Hope everyone had a great weekend and a happy easter!!