break!

Ahh..home for break:)

Lets seee..so far break has been ok. Christmas was good, i got this bag for my clarinet that i was going to buy, speakers for my computer at school…so i can give the ones back that i stole from home..:), some money, jewelry, clothes..good stuff.

I worked one day since i’ve been home. It wasn’t too bad, really slow actually..i have to work tomorrow morning at 7…which means i’ll be up around 545 to shower…make myself look decent, and give myself about 15 min. to get there. Im bringing a book or something this time..it was so dead for like the first two hours the other day when i worked. Understandably though..who really gets up to eat breakfast at 7am?..unless theyre like…staying in the hotel on business.

I went to see a doctor today..well..physical therapist i guess, about my hand. It’s been hurting lately when i play..and more recently just..all the time. Probly not a good thing…I just wanted to get it checked out because i have weird hands as it is…and i don’t need anything else to make me more..”handicapped” as a player.:~( So anyway..the guy said that its not a problem with muscles (thank god) that its probly ligaments he thinks. Mine are real flexible..like freakishly (in my hands)…he said it might just be a ligament sprain. He gave me a handy dandy little brace to wear when i play for awhile, to see if it helps. I will look extra cool now when i play lol. He said “worst case scenario…you could have this disease (i dont remember what he called it)..where a certain bone in your hand starts to deteriorate//disolve kind of…” I said….OH ….GOOD!!? he doesnt think thats it though…that would just be the worst case. I have to get an x ray done on it to be sure its not that, and i have another appt. next thurs. My aunt who is an occupational therapist, referred me to this place, and she said thats their job, to make things to work around your problem…so…maybe…MAYBE…they could make something that would make it possible for me to play without having to rest it on my knees..like put the pressure//weight of it somewhere else besides my thumb. 🙂 that would make me happy:)

I think i have a new years resolution….well..one or two. I never stick to them usually…but i’d really like to try with these. 1. Go to the gym..or something regularly. Its pretty hard for me to be motivated to go when im at school…cause whenever i have a free minute..i just want to relax. I havent really gained a lot of weight since ive been at school, just lost muscle:~( I had the beginnings of nice abs going on at the end of summer…and theyre gone now:( 2. I want to stop being concerned with boys all the time. I want to be able to feel like i dont need a bf…well..like i dont care if i have one. I know i dont neeeeed one, and im ok without one, i just prefer to be in a relationship. But apparently its not going to happen any time soon…since every boy i like turns out to be an asshole claiming to be “not like the rest”…RIGHT..(i swear if i hear that line one more time someone is getting punched in the face..), or just oblivious to the fact that i really like them..and doesn’t know how to treat a girl. Ive finally stopped blaming myself for boy(s) being oblivious..because theres nothing more i can do to make it obvious without literally throwing myself on them, and thats not about to happen any time soon. its frustrating..because i try..to make him realize that i like him but it doesnt work..i feel helpless.. actually..this entry..this little paragraph right here, yet another signal…..that the person i have in mind probly wont pick up on…and im pretty sure he reads this thing still. SO….bottom line..enough about boys..time to get back to me i think…cause i guess im just wasting my time..if someone wants me..they can make the effort..im tired of trying to do it all.

ok, bedtime i think, work earlyyyy..and its easier when i can at least pretend to be awake!