Happiness.

With all the silliness of my last two entries, i thought i would write a bit and let you all in on the wonderful-ness that i have in my life.  Yes, there are problems, yes, there is drama (ugh), but there is brightness, warmth, cuddles, and smiles.

I am never so undone i can’t handle it anymore.  I always know that Charles loves me.. ALWAYS, even when he is angry with me.  Never do i feel like we are teetering on the edge in our relationship.  I am secure and warm.  He still (almost a year later) gives me butterflies when i see him across a room or down the hall (we work in the same school).  My life is happy.

We have disagreements, but there is none of the yelling, screaming, and bickering that categorized my former marriage.  Never the harsh words that were said, or the insecurity.  We are a team, we help each other and support each other in all things.  We may not always agree, we may not always believe that the other person is choosing the right thing ALL the time, but we always support one another.  I like this.. i dare say that i actually deserve this.. finally.  After living the way that i did with Dave for nearly 6 years of my life.  Having that all end with my finding out about him hiding a GIGANTIC part of his life from me for all of that time..

I’m thinking that maybe i never really felt completely secure with him, because i wasn’t.  I was being lied to, first and foremost, and secondly, because in reality, due to Dave’s mental illness, my life was literally hanging by a thread throughout our entire marriage… i just wasn’t let in on that little secret.

Now Charles and I DO things, we have fun.. He is so much more "manly" that Dave ever was it is laughable.  We bought a fire pit this year.  Just a little one to have campfires off our back deck and we have them all the time.  Last night we stayed out at the fire, just him and I,  until nearly 11 0’clock (bedtime for us.. lol).  We spent the earlier part of the day with all 4 of our girls at Fantasy Island.  Just enjoying the day together. 

And today, Charles’ girls are back with their mother, and dave is picking up Maya and Paige at 11 and bringing them home at 7, we are going to go have some outdoorsy fun together.  We haven’t decided.. we might ride rides ourselves at Fantasy Island.. with NO kids to watch! LOL.. we were thinking of going fishing and lazing by the side of a pond (but Charles’ fishing tackle was ordered off ebay and it isn’t here yet. boo!)  or we might go for a walk, have a picnic, go for ice cream.. i’m pretty excited about this day..

Right now, Charles’ is out golfing with his friends.  Where with dave i might have gotten angry about him going out with them and leaving me here with Charles it’s different.  Maybe because he always supports me in whatever i do, or because he helps me out immensly around the house so i never feel like i’m being left with all the work.. We are different together, wonderful even..

I know, you probably all want to gag now, that’s ok, i’m alright with that..

i’m finally happy.